You Are Remembered

For a moment, our nation was bonded together as never before. We, with one voice and one heart, proclaimed our pain, demanded justice, and prayed for righteousness. To those who left us that day, to those who lost most dearly, and to those who fight for us all: you are remembered.





Please visit this blog and thank this man for all he and his fellows do. Without them, we would be lost. Doc Williams.

Also, three years ago today, I lost my father. As great as my pain is, I can only imagine the pain of those who know their loved ones were intentionally killed and taken away from them by hate. But, my grief is still there, and I miss my father terribly. I love you, Daddy.

That's All

In honor of my 6-month wedding anniversery (which was on Monday), I present you with our wedding song:

Old Blue Eyes:



Michael Buble


We danced to the Michael Buble version, but I love them both. :)

Ennui

It's official. I'm busier than ever at my job, and my old friend has followed me here. You see, I have a problem with commitment to any particular project. If it's not complicated enough, I get bored. If it's too complicated, I get frustrated and then get bored. The latter is far more depressing, because I don't measure up unless I think really hard. Which, frankly, is not something I'm fond of.

It's not that I'm shallow or unintelligent, you understand. I entered college as a sophomore due to my work in high school; I thoroughly enjoy educational pursuits. If I had my way, I would be a perpetual student. Life, and money, got in the way of that goal.

The problem, I think, is finding something that I'm passionate enough about to continue perpetually. I can stay committed to something for months or years at a time without getting burned out. When I do finally get to the burn-out stage, however, it's not pretty. I explode and then I'm finished. I want nothing more to do with that project for years. Music, specifically playing the flute, is the most spectacular example of this. As I neared the beginning of my senior year, I was playing with an expertise I had never dreamed of, and naturally chose music as my course of study. I had studied the flute since the summer before my sixth grade year, all told for about 7 years. By the time college auditions rolled around, I was burned out. I wanted no more to do with it, and therefore, while I did my best, it was no where near the peak of my performance. I still play occasionally, but less often then I would like. I still enjoy playing, but it's also depressing: just another failed project, after all the time and effort I put into it.

Here again, I have found a wonderful job, and great people to work with, but I'm bored with it, and have been for some time. I enjoy my work during my busiest time: billing. This only lasts for about 4 days, however. The rest of the time I mostly deal with complaints from clients and search for things to do. I do have other responsibilities, but they are boring, and accomplished with very little effort, so that I barely notice I'm working. And while I enjoy the billing, I absolutely despise the responsibility that comes with it. I was trained by someone who mostly knew how to bill by rote, and did not have time to teach me anything beyond the procedure before she left. I must learn as I go. The problem being that every mistake I make seems to result in either a very upset client, one or more very upset bosses, lost income for the company, or any combination of the above. I have discovered some interesting things from my mistakes, some that I doubt my predecessor knew, but I still have the angry clients, annoyed or angry boss(es), and possible lost income hanging over my head. These things are not conducive to a calm work environment.

While I do get angry about this, I don't stay angry. The anger transmutes into boredom. Boredom makes me want to do things other than my job while I'm at work. I don't, but I want to, which leads to frustration, which leads to even more boredom. It's a vicious cycle.

I survived...

...and it wasn't that bad. It was slightly awkward, but she was very nice and very quick. I barely had time to read the funny posters on her ceiling before she was finished. And the posters made me laugh, partly because the point to them was so obvious, and partly because they were funny. My favorite part?

OBGYN: "Are you sexually active and do you need birth control?"
Me: "I was married in March and I'm a devout Catholic."
OBGYN: "Yes and no, got it."

And the cool thing? When she asked if I was using a natural birth control method, and I told her about NFP, she actually knew that it wasn't the rythm method and that, excepting divine intervention, it works as long as I followed the rules. She did ask me to start taking a folic acid supplement, because the nueral tubes of the baby's brain and other things that folic acid is essential to start to develop before you can even get a postive home test. So I did, because I'm doing everything I can for my future kids, and God only laughs when you tell him your plans, so you never know what might happen. She also gave me some other material to start reading up on and asked me to continue to lose weight at the rate of 1-2 lbs a week, stating the obvious that the healthier I am when I get pregnant the better and easier it will be.

All in all, I am much less nervous about next year's exam then I was about this year, and I'm very relieved. :)

I'm dreading this...

So, I've never had a gynecology appointment before. I know I should have had one, especially with everything that marriage entails...but I was really nervous. It's one thing to tell your boyfriend that you won't sleep with him until you get married, which is a nerve-racking conversation. Then you actually wait, which in my case meant I had about 2 years to dwell on our wedding night. And that made me nervous. Really nervous. Remember your first time? Yeah...imagine that, plus knowing that you'll never sleep with anyone else for the rest of either your life or theirs, whichever ends first. And even then, y'know, chances are there won't be anyone else, because if he dies when he's 80, I'll be 72, so I doubt I'll be getting any. So, I was really nervous.

But now? Now a complete stranger will do a pelvic exam on me. COMPLETE. STRANGER. Never met the woman before in my life, but as small as this town is, chances are she knows someone who knows me. Like she might know my MIL, who uses the same OBGYN facility (because there isn't another one in our town). And there's that whole doctor-patient confidentiality thing, so I shouldn't have to worry, right? Well...yeah, except that I know for a fact that my husband's GP shared information about him with his mother without his express permission, because she asked. And that's illegal. We didn't do anything about it, it wasn't anything we wouldn't have told her, but still, it's illegal.

So there's that. And there's also the fact that I have no idea what to expect. Thankfully, the appointment is late enough that I won't have to go back to work, so if I feel totally violated, I can just go home and tell Michael not to bother me. But I'm nervous. I'm going to go google and see if I can figure out what's gonna happen. And say a few Ave Marias and Pater Nostres. And maybe a God help me or two.....yeah, I'm really nervous.

P.S. So I just went to WebMD to see if they could tell me what to expect...and now I'm more nervous. This is why I never wanted to grow up. It's just not worth it. :(