I HATE our baby monitor. It only transmits when it detects sounds, and the threshold is WAY higher than it should be in my opinion. As in, if the baby is not crying the monitor will stop transmitting, even if it the noise which began the transmission continues but does not escalate.
When I am awake it's not really a problem because my Mommy Super Hearing has kicked in, and I can hear him no matter where I am in the house. However, I am getting only about half the sleep I was getting before he was born, so when I fall asleep I sleep very deeply. Therefore a monitor that only transmits when it detects a noise and stops transmitting if that noise does not escalate is not at all useful to me.
This morning I began searching for another baby monitor, and can find nothing in any of the item descriptions or reviews regarding this annoying little 'feature'. I can understand why it's not mentioned. Who would buy a monitor if the description clearly states that it only transmits when it thinks your baby needs you? Or even (more realistically) that it only transmits when it detects a noise?
So, to the mothers who read my blog, please let me know if you have a monitor that doesn't do this, and give me the model number so I can get it!
March 8, 2010
February 25, 2010
Trust
I have always had issues with trust. I don't trust people to understand me, love me, or accept me just as I am. I don't trust that Michael won't get mad at me for the things I do or don't do, or that he trusts that I don't do things (or buy things) without reason. I don't trust that I can be a good mother, that I have enough discipline to lose the weight I want to lose, or that I can be a good wife for the rest of Michael's life.
I know that Michael loves me, but I don't trust it, so I read into his comments and pull out meanings he didn't even realize the words could have. I know that I have been given all the gifts and grace I need to conquer my earthly desires and be a good wife and mother, but I don't trust it.
Lately, God has been trying to get me to let go and trust. All of these issues come down to not really trusting Him. I don't trust that He has put people in my life who really love me. I don't trust that He has given those people the graces they need to put up with me. Somehow, even with everything that has been provided to me, I don't trust that He will provide me with everything I need.
I'm working on that. God is leading me into a deeper trust in Him. He has just shown me the need for it in the past few weeks, and I can feel Him working in my heart and mind, encouraging me to take the actions that show trust in a 'fake it until you make it' fashion.
That has always been my way. 'Fake it until you make it' is kind of a personal mantra. I have to do something before it can become real for me. One thing I do trust is that God knows that and He loves it about me. I think that's a really good place for this trust thing to start.
I know that Michael loves me, but I don't trust it, so I read into his comments and pull out meanings he didn't even realize the words could have. I know that I have been given all the gifts and grace I need to conquer my earthly desires and be a good wife and mother, but I don't trust it.
Lately, God has been trying to get me to let go and trust. All of these issues come down to not really trusting Him. I don't trust that He has put people in my life who really love me. I don't trust that He has given those people the graces they need to put up with me. Somehow, even with everything that has been provided to me, I don't trust that He will provide me with everything I need.
I'm working on that. God is leading me into a deeper trust in Him. He has just shown me the need for it in the past few weeks, and I can feel Him working in my heart and mind, encouraging me to take the actions that show trust in a 'fake it until you make it' fashion.
That has always been my way. 'Fake it until you make it' is kind of a personal mantra. I have to do something before it can become real for me. One thing I do trust is that God knows that and He loves it about me. I think that's a really good place for this trust thing to start.
February 22, 2010
It's the little things...
That make you appreciate where you are in life. Little victories that you can claim and treasure. Right now, I'm happy to report that I am typing this post with two hands. A little victory made possible by the fact that Wesley is sitting in his bouncer seat, happily looking around and kicking.
I'm ignoring the fact that that's all I have to talk about regarding Wes, unless you want a diaper count, tales of nursing marathons thanks to an impending growth spurt, or the riveting saga of how long it took to get out of the house to go to church yesterday.
I shall assume you don't, and move on to random thoughts I've had over the past few days.
Lysacek won! Yay! Plushenko's a turd.
US is ahead in medal count. Shock.
Sarcasm really doesn't do well online.
I miss my sister, but we both have infants and I never know when to call, especially since we never seem to have anything to talk about.
I finally decided on what I'm giving up for Lent. It's not going to be easy, but for the first time I think I'm giving up something that's really important to God. I don't think He really cares about what I've given up in the past, because it was never anything that really seperated me from Him. This year, I think I'm really beginning to understand what Lent is about, and how much of a journey it's supposed to be.
It's really sad when a government tax form says "Remember to write you Social Security number on you check."
It really sucks that we have to pay state taxes this year. Our federal refund more than covers it, but I induced for a reason!
And that was a short-lived victory, but I enjoyed it. Time to hold Wesley!
I'm ignoring the fact that that's all I have to talk about regarding Wes, unless you want a diaper count, tales of nursing marathons thanks to an impending growth spurt, or the riveting saga of how long it took to get out of the house to go to church yesterday.
I shall assume you don't, and move on to random thoughts I've had over the past few days.
Lysacek won! Yay! Plushenko's a turd.
US is ahead in medal count. Shock.
Sarcasm really doesn't do well online.
I miss my sister, but we both have infants and I never know when to call, especially since we never seem to have anything to talk about.
I finally decided on what I'm giving up for Lent. It's not going to be easy, but for the first time I think I'm giving up something that's really important to God. I don't think He really cares about what I've given up in the past, because it was never anything that really seperated me from Him. This year, I think I'm really beginning to understand what Lent is about, and how much of a journey it's supposed to be.
It's really sad when a government tax form says "Remember to write you Social Security number on you check."
It really sucks that we have to pay state taxes this year. Our federal refund more than covers it, but I induced for a reason!
And that was a short-lived victory, but I enjoyed it. Time to hold Wesley!
February 16, 2010
Pfizer? I have a great idea...
I'm very, very ill. It came on suddenly, and the doctor says there's no usable cure. I'll just have to live with it for the next 10 months or so, then the symptoms will slowly fade for the next 17 years. Then I might be free, but it's more likely that there will be a recurrence in the next few years, and the cycle will start again.
What is this horrible disease? Cabin fever. Normally, the cure would be to go away for a few days, or even a few hours, and have no responsibilities to deal with. That won't work when you have an infant, however, especially if you're breastfeeding. First I would have to have someone I completely trust to care for Wesley. I don't. Then I would have to go somewhere that would have a place for me to pump every two or two and a half hours so I could preserve my supply, which would be a responsibility. And finally, I would have to relax and trust that Wesley would not need me.
Therein lies the major downfall. If I really had to, I could drive to my mom's house and have her take care of him, and I could manage pumping, even while out and about. BUT, I know I could not relax for more than a couple hours. I would have to call to make sure he was okay, and if I heard him crying I would have to go to him. Even if he was okay when I called, when I did go back to him and he started to cry, as he inevitably would, I would feel horrible about leaving him and all the good would be undone.
So. Not much I can do. I just have to live with it, and hope I can find the strength to cope. I'm having trouble with not being able to eat when I'm hungry or sleep when I'm tired, or go shopping when I'm stressed, or put Wesley down when my back and arms hurt. I also miss typing with two hands. And milk. Wesley gets gas when I drink it.
I know I'll survive, but right now I really wish they made a cure for cabin fever in pill form.
What is this horrible disease? Cabin fever. Normally, the cure would be to go away for a few days, or even a few hours, and have no responsibilities to deal with. That won't work when you have an infant, however, especially if you're breastfeeding. First I would have to have someone I completely trust to care for Wesley. I don't. Then I would have to go somewhere that would have a place for me to pump every two or two and a half hours so I could preserve my supply, which would be a responsibility. And finally, I would have to relax and trust that Wesley would not need me.
Therein lies the major downfall. If I really had to, I could drive to my mom's house and have her take care of him, and I could manage pumping, even while out and about. BUT, I know I could not relax for more than a couple hours. I would have to call to make sure he was okay, and if I heard him crying I would have to go to him. Even if he was okay when I called, when I did go back to him and he started to cry, as he inevitably would, I would feel horrible about leaving him and all the good would be undone.
So. Not much I can do. I just have to live with it, and hope I can find the strength to cope. I'm having trouble with not being able to eat when I'm hungry or sleep when I'm tired, or go shopping when I'm stressed, or put Wesley down when my back and arms hurt. I also miss typing with two hands. And milk. Wesley gets gas when I drink it.
I know I'll survive, but right now I really wish they made a cure for cabin fever in pill form.
February 14, 2010
Valentine's Expectations
It's amazing to me how having a child has brought me and Michael closer together. Though I've always known him well, I feel like all the things I knew have really sunk in.
I know he's not a romantic. I know he would like to be, because he knows how much I would appreciate a little more romance.
I know he's a good father. He doesn't have any experience, and he's learning slowly, but he is a good father and our kids will never understand how lucky they are to have him, because that's what being a good father is about.
I know he's a good son and brother. His family is going through a tough time right now, and he is there for them. From humoring his father to supporting his sister, he is there and he loves them.
I know he's not book smart. He doesn't like to read anything, and his reading comprehension isn't great. That's okay, I can cover that.
I know he's smart. He can look at anything mechanical, architectural, structural, or anything else like that, and probably figure out how to set it up, fix it, or make it better. That's good, because I'm completely clueless.
I know he has a good heart. He is a volunteer firefighter. He will go out of his way to help anyone who needs it.
I know he loves me. I know that love grew when Wesley was born, as mine did for him. I know that no matter what life or hell or our own personal demons throw at us, he will be there for me. I know that because I've already put him through hell, and he's still here.
Because of all of those things, and so many more, I know that Valentine's Day is not a huge deal. It used to be a big deal to me. So did my birthday and our anniversary and his birthday and Christmas. Now, they each have their own significance but they are not terribly significant to our relationship. If we have a bad day one year, there will be a next year, so long as we're both alive. If there isn't a next year, then one bad day, regardless of the day, will not define our relationship.
Yes, life changes when you have a baby, and that includes your expectations. I honestly don't care that we didn't do anything for Valentine's Day, except spend time at home together. Nothing special, and not particularly meaningful since we have done that every weekend since Wes was born. And yet, I'm not dissapointed, as I would have been last year. You know, I'm really starting to feel grown up. :)
I know he's not a romantic. I know he would like to be, because he knows how much I would appreciate a little more romance.
I know he's a good father. He doesn't have any experience, and he's learning slowly, but he is a good father and our kids will never understand how lucky they are to have him, because that's what being a good father is about.
I know he's a good son and brother. His family is going through a tough time right now, and he is there for them. From humoring his father to supporting his sister, he is there and he loves them.
I know he's not book smart. He doesn't like to read anything, and his reading comprehension isn't great. That's okay, I can cover that.
I know he's smart. He can look at anything mechanical, architectural, structural, or anything else like that, and probably figure out how to set it up, fix it, or make it better. That's good, because I'm completely clueless.
I know he has a good heart. He is a volunteer firefighter. He will go out of his way to help anyone who needs it.
I know he loves me. I know that love grew when Wesley was born, as mine did for him. I know that no matter what life or hell or our own personal demons throw at us, he will be there for me. I know that because I've already put him through hell, and he's still here.
Because of all of those things, and so many more, I know that Valentine's Day is not a huge deal. It used to be a big deal to me. So did my birthday and our anniversary and his birthday and Christmas. Now, they each have their own significance but they are not terribly significant to our relationship. If we have a bad day one year, there will be a next year, so long as we're both alive. If there isn't a next year, then one bad day, regardless of the day, will not define our relationship.
Yes, life changes when you have a baby, and that includes your expectations. I honestly don't care that we didn't do anything for Valentine's Day, except spend time at home together. Nothing special, and not particularly meaningful since we have done that every weekend since Wes was born. And yet, I'm not dissapointed, as I would have been last year. You know, I'm really starting to feel grown up. :)
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