April 9, 2008


Hello, welcome to my blog. I am a serial blogger, coming and going, deleting past blogs along the way. It has been over a year since I last had a blog, and now I am back. With every blog, I seek anonymity. I wish to have a safe place to let my thoughts and feelings flow. Each time I have been found out by at least one person who knows me, and then was constricted in what I could say. Perhaps this time will be different.

As my blog description says, I am young and married. Many people have told me marrying so young was a mistake, but I am legally old enough that the relationship was my choice from the beginning; whether or not the marriage is a mistake has yet to be seen.

I do not lead an interesting life. I wake up before the sun rises, I go to work for eight hours, thought I don't often work for eight hours, I go home and cook dinner, scoop the litter box, walk the dog, attempt conversation with my husband, and go to bed after the sun sets. I like to read, but have never had enough books around; I like horses, but have never had the money to learn to ride well; I like classical music, and play the flute, but not nearly often enough. Perhaps my life will be more interesting when we have kids, and hopefully the responsibility of children will not override the bright color they can bring to life.

My husband is an interesting man. He is not brilliant, and not terribly well educated, though he did finish high school and attempt a two-year degree. His faith is small, I sense a great lack of understanding in him. But I can not judge, for I have been blessed with understand, but I rarely do anything with it. I love him dearly, no matter his faults and our problems, though we have many. We do not seem to understand each other's actions or words. We read tones of voice, inflections and facial expressions incorrectly. Because of that, we fight a lot. I love him still, and will always love him. No matter our fights or dissagreements (he does so hate the word fight), I love him completely.

My mother is caring, though sometimes a bit overbearing; she does not approve of my husband, but she does try to accept him as a son, and to not let her dissaproval show. My brother is a great guy, caring and protective, and very tall. My sister is married also, and she has one of the biggest hearts for children I have ever known. Her patience wtih adults is severly limited; for children she could endure anything. Her husband, my brother-in-law, is a quiet man, loving and understanding, and very supportive of her and the rest of us, and a bit anal about certain things, but he's a drafter, so that's to be expected. My nephew, their son, is a wonderful little boy: well-behaved, sweet, and generally in a good mood. I should be so lucky when I have children.

My mother-in-law is incredibly overbearing and wishes to be involved in all things all the time, especially if it concerns her only son. She has gotten better, and I know she means well, but she is still very annoying. My father-in-law is...strange. Again, he means well, but he can be annoying. Especially when he asks if I want to bathe him, or leans up agains me and waggles his eyebrows. He doesn't mean anything by it, but it is a bit disturbing. You must understand, though, that they are nice people, and they are Southerners to the core. I am too, but in a less back-woods, more big city transplant sort of way (my mother-in-law, by the way, thinks that she is a city girl, like me, because she grew up in a subdivision on the outskirts of a 5,000-person town; I grew up in 250,000-person city).

My husband's sister and her husband are great people. I worry about their marriage sometimes, but I think they'll be ok. They have two little girls, the elder is three, and not well behaved. The younger is not even a year, so she can't really misbehave, but I'm sure she will follow in her sister's path, as she has the same parents. Great people, as I said, but they have waited so long to begin disciplining their elder daughter (she still has a pacifier for goodness sake) that they have put a tough road ahead of themselves. Raising well mannered, fairly obedient daughters will not be easy at this point. I wish them luck, and hope that my husband and I will be able to do better.

So, that is a short synopsis of my life and my families. Let me be fair now and list my own faults: I hate working, I am a bit self-centered, vain and jealous. I am not content with my lot in life, and would far prefer to not have to work, and only be a stay-at-home mom, so that when my husband and I have kids, after the first five or six years of the last one's life, I will have time to pursue those things I enjoy. That is what I truly want to do, and have never been able to. Back to my faults, I spend money too freely, I'm not social, and I am too fickle in my devotion to God. There are probably more I don't even realize, but I don't want to depress myself further by looking for them.

So, read on if you wish. Maybe it will be interesting.

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