May 30, 2008

Will this week ever end?

This week at work I'm trying to do two people's jobs. Mine (and this is the busiest time of the month for me), and the receptionist's job. Why? Because she decided she would take the long Memorial Day Weekend and turn it into a vacation to see her family in Arkansas. Why did our boss approve this during my busiest time of the month and decide that I would take over her job as well? Because they want to kill me from exhaustion. I've worked 45 hours this week! Not including today. I refuse to work any overtime today. At 5:00 I'm going home, and I am going to sleep. Not only is this busy for me, but it would be busy for her if she were here because one of our groups did their open enrollment. So that's a lot of changes added on to the normal workload, plus everyone outside the office is trying to catch up so the phones are ringing off the hook. Why am I taking time out to post? Because I really, really needed a safe venting place. I can't say anything to my coworkers because my boss is so grateful that I'm working so hard, and I don't want it to get back to her that I think she was really mean by giving the other girl the week off. True, I could forget the other girl's job and just answer the phones and do my month-end stuff. I could also jump off a bridge. Ain't gonna happen. I just like to get things done, and the more pressure the harder and faster I work. So I'm scrambling to get everything done because I know it's the right thing to do. Sometimes I hate myself...

May 28, 2008

Memorial Day Weekend

Over the long weekend (which I made even longer by taking Friday off as well), Michael and I went to Panama City Beach. We only stayed Saturday night, but the point was not really to go the beach but to get away from the house. It was good that getting away from the house was our goal, because we got in the ocean and had fun for a few hours, then decided to go get some drinks for that night. We went, got some drinks, and by the time we got back, they had put up the double-red-flag that means NO SWIMMING! Grrrr. Previous to this, the hotel pool had been empty, and the beach was full. Not a big deal, because it's a big beach. Walk a little and you can find a semi-quite spot (remember, this is Memorial Day weekend, not Spring Break). The hotel pool however, was not big. It was a normal size pool, with an abnormal amount of people attempting to stay cool in the heat. That would be ok, if I were the same size as those who made up the abnormal amount of people. But I'm not. That's why I'm trying to loose weight. But that didn't help me at that moment, because I couldn't reach into the future and say 'hey future self, go down there and have fun for me'. Even if I could it wouldn't help very much because then my future self would be having fun and not me.

Anyway, Michael and I decided to take our drinks down to the beach and walk in the surf and watch the sun set. The sunset was gorgeous! What was not was all the people STILL IN THE WATER!!!! I don't know if these people didn't grow up around beaches and couldn't read and therefore didn't know that a double red flag means no swimming (the signs interpreting the different color flags are all over the place) or if they were just that drunk. Perhaps they couldn't understand the little symbol of a white stick-figure swimmer on a red background with a big white lined-through circle over it. DUH!!! And do you know what the emergency workers got for taking the trouble to put up all those flags? They had to rescue 35+ idiots who thought 'they could handle it'. I'll grant that one or two, maybe even 5 or 10, were either the cause of the flag change from yellow to double red, or were in the water as the flags were being changed and did not yet realize the danger. But THIRTY-FIVE people? I heard about a few who were on the beach in the middle of the night (or really early morning) and drunk who had to be rescued. If you really crave that much thrill, go find a roller coaster!
Here's the real kicker: two people died. I don't know the story for one of them, but the other was Pierre Allen, just back from a tour of duty in Iraq. Was he being an idiot and thinking that he could handle the conditions? NO! He was on vacation and he tried to help out someone who was drowning. That just pisses me off. I'm sure the person he helped (who survived) felt really bad and I'm even willing to say that that person may have been among the first victims of the rip current. No blame should fall on that person unless that person really deserves it. However, what a crappy way for a vacation from your job to end. You just try to help out, do your job even though you are on vacation, save someone else's life at risk to your own, and you end up dying, at 21, after just getting back from hell. Silver lining? Well, I believe in heaven and hell, and I'm pretty sure Mr. Allen went to heaven. 'No greater gift' and all that. If you are inclined to prayer, please offer a prayer for him and especially his family. I'm sure they can use all the help they can get right now. While you're at it, pray for all of our troops who are out of the country, and especially those who are in danger, and Mr. Eric Williams, who is currently in Sadr City, Iraq. If you aren't inclined to pray, then just send good thoughts their way; they so deserve it for making sure we can sleep soundly at night.
So the big lesson of this blog??? Our troops deserve every kindness we can possibly give to them because of who they are and what they do, and DON'T SWIM ON DOUBLE RED!!!!


Thank you to everyone for your comments on my last post. I've had a terrible couple of days at work and you made me laugh! Out loud! I don't laugh out loud at work, so thank you very much. :)

May 21, 2008

Tagged :)

Me: I've been tagged!!!! HELP!!! I've been tagged!!!!!
Kind Person on Sidewalk: Hey! Crazy tagged person! Just do whatever the tagger wanted you to do and no one will get hurt.
Me: Oh, really? Okay then. :)

What was I doing 10 years ago?
I was in fifth grade, probably dreading the end of school and making plans to see all of my elementary school teachers again as my first trip when I could drive. I realize that dreading the END of the school year makes me strange, but I always did. After a few weeks of summer and my brother, I was bored and annoyed. I wanted to be back at school with my friends. I also had this crazy idea that I would go back to my elementary school and see all my beloved teachers again once I could drive (I knew I would miss them and I can still name them all).

Five Snacks I Enjoy:
1. Potato chips
2. Oranges
3. M&Ms
4. Soft Flour Tortillas (plain)
5. French Fries

Five Things on My To Do List Today:
1. Cross stitch (more on that later)
2. Sleep (not likely)
3. Clean the bathroom
4. Go to the gym
5. Pray

Things I would do if I were a billionaire:
Build a bigger house farther away from Michael's parent's home
Give more to charity
Eat healthier
Have a maid
Travel the world
Set up college funds for my nephew, future children, and future nephews and nieces
Pay off all of my immediate family's debts anonymously

Five Jobs I have had:
1. Section Leader
2. Grocery store bagger
3. Grocery store cashier
4. Receptionist
5. Billing/Eligibility Insurance clerk (current job, it's not as boring as it sounds)

Places I have lived:
Atlanta, GA
Winter Park, FL
Kissimmee, FL

People I want to get to know better:
(yes, this means you are tagged)
Ross Dalgleish
Third Culture Kids R Mine!
Bottles, Barbies & Boys

Six random things:
1. I hate talking on the phone, to anyone. I will suffer it to speak with someone in my family, and sometimes I actually enjoy being on the phone with Michael. Otherwise, if I can accomplish whatever it is without a phone call, it will be done without a phone call. Apparently, I get this from my dad.
2. I play the flute. When I was in high school I would play around 3 or 4 hours a day (not including band class). Now I barely play at all, but am trying to take more time for it, mostly because I miss it.
3. Vincent Van Gogh is awesome!!! Especially his night paintings.
4. I was an altar server for ten years, from second grade to twelfth.
5. My house looks like a hunting lodge: no antlers yet, but it's literally made of wood and we have no pictures but wildlife and hunting dogs, except for the picture of the horses that hangs in our bedroom where I can see it as I fall asleep every night.
6. I have four bosses and enjoy playing them against each other. This skill allows me to avoid the 'it all rolls downhill' rule. Unless something is truly my fault, I never get blamed. :) This is part of what makes my job more interesting than it seems.

Me: So, that's it, I'm done? I did what the tagger wanted and now the blog gods and all of blog world is good again?
Kind Person on Sidewalk: Yes, crazy tagged person, that is right.
Me: Good, good...that's good.
Kind Person on Sidewalk: Yep, that's good. *smiles, nods, backs away slowly*

May 12, 2008


Last night I was trying to fall asleep (Michael was long gone) and I heard a very strange fluttering in my ear. I wasn't immediately freaked; I thought a few strands of my hair had gotten down in my ear canal and the draft from the fan was moving them. So I sat up, pushed my hair to the other side of my head and swiped the outer part of my hear with my finger to make sure it was clear. Everything seemed okay. Then I heard it again. I was little more concerned this time, but occasionally I hear wierd things due to an ear wax build-up (gross, I know) so I thought that might be it and stuck my finger down a little farther in my ear to see if could get some of it out. I know this is not really safe, but I was tired and really didn't want to get out of bed. I didn't find anything, but I heard the fluttering again. This time I screamed and shook my head, which only made it worse. I screamed again. Michael, bless him, is instantly reactive to my screaming and he woke up and turned on the light. My screams weren't loud and long at this point, they were more like emphatic, high-pitched whimpers, but Michael was still concerned, especially since I think I had started to cry. With the light and Michael's concious presence some rationality returned. He asked what was wrong, and I told him 'my ear' but nothing beyond that. It happened again; this time I screamed very loudly because I was beyond rational thought. I knew there was SOMETHING in my head and I didn't know how to get it out! I couldn't get this point across to Michael while I was so freaked, so he was thinking along my original ideas: hair, ear wax, something normal that really wouldn't reduce me to screaming and tears, but he was tired and still partly asleep, so he may not have noticed the tears. He managed to get me out of bed and into the bathroom (keep in mind that the fluttering won't stop and I can't help but make strange noises of frustration, confusion, and slight terror) with the idea that a Q-tip might help me with whatever was going on. He handed me one and I stuck it in my ear and came up with a little ear wax. Seeing that calmed me down a little bit, thinking that maybe it really was ear wax and I just hadn't been able to get to it with my finger. The fluttering stopped too, so I thought that might really be the end. Then it started again and I freaked out all over. I stuck another Q-tip in my ear, farther down this time and heedless of the fact that I must be very close to my ear drum. I drew it out and low and behold: a dead mosquito!
I was pissed. First, you must understand, I hate bugs with all my being. Not insects, mind you, bugs. The creepy crawly insects that are just nasty! Butterflies don't count, neither do caterpillars. Rollie Pollies are ok, and there are probably a few others I can't think of. Roaches, bees, wasps, moths, mosquitoes, beetles, crickets, etc, are my worst nightmare. I just can't stand them. More than once I have been reduced to tears by their mere presence, and hysteric screaming when many of them are too near to me. So, I hate bugs.
Secondly, losing my hearing or having it impaired would be awful to me. I could do without my sight, because I would still be able to communicate readily. Losing my sight might have more impact on my life, but music is such a joy to me that I'm not sure I could stand to lose it, along with the sound of Michael's voice and other people and things dear to me. I despise silence nearly as much as bugs, so to be hearing impaired or deaf would be very hard for me. That stupid bug could have bust my ear drum, or caused me to in the effort to get it out. I think such things can heal, but it could heal improperly or not at all, and then where would I be?
Finally, I was already having trouble getting to sleep, and now I knew I would have to stay up for a bit and relax before I could even think about getting to sleep. That was compounded by being worried about what damage might have been done to my ear, even though I wasn't in enough pain for the drum to have busted.

Stupid bugs. I know there is a use for them in grand scheme of things, but I wish they would just stay away from me.

May 9, 2008

Other times

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to live in times other than our own. The Medieval era is the one I most often imagine myself in. I am drawn to the courtesies of the time, the simple belief in right and wrong, the acceptance of the Catholic Church as the authority of God (even when it did not follow God's will in the way we view It now), and even the power men had over women. That is not to say that I enjoy being dominated or subjugated, but simply that I envy the simple life that most gentlewomen led during those times. I never imagine myself a serf or slave, of course, simply because it is my imagination and therefore my choice what life I lead in that fantasy. If somehow given the choice to live in the Medieval era without a guarantee as to my life's station, I probably would not take it. But, if I knew I would be reborn, as it were, into a gentle household with parents who had love in their marriage and wanted the same for their children (as unlikely as that would be), I would jump at the chance, assuming it would hurt no one else and I would lose all memory of my life in this time. I know that the problems of that era (bad food, lack of hygiene, etc) would not be noticeable to me if I had grown up with them. If I could be in a household like that of my imaginings, I know I could be happy. There is no guarantee that my station would last or that I would endure no hardships, but it is likely that I would have no more responsibility than sewing suitable clothing for my father and then my husband, ensuring that there was enough provender in the keep for the entire household and some leftover so we could be generous with the local townspeople and serfs, seeing to the maids and their duties, playing hostess to noble visitors and bearing and rearing children. If more responsibility was expected of me, it would likely be simple matters I could bend my mind to without much fear of deciding upon the wrong action. And, being a woman, it would not be strange of me to ask an older woman's advice, or that of a man, if I happened to be involved in something that was men's business. If I were truly lucky, I would have my choice in who I would marry, and my choice would be given to me if it were not foolish.
This is the kind of life I sometimes long for. Simple, unburdened, and generally free. Being free is what I most long for. But has anyone ever truly been able to lead a life without some sort of hard responsibility? Something that seemed difficult and perhaps made them feel inadequate to the job at hand? If it is possible, I know many people who would take that path, and then where would we be? I do not truly wish to shirk responsibility, but I do wish my current responsibilities were more suited to my current skills, so I did not feel so overwhelmed.

May 8, 2008


I've been feeling really tired the past few days, and I hate the feeling. It's like I just can't keep my mind going, and every movement drains what little energy I have. I feel like I'm not getting enough sleep, but I sleep eight to nine hours every night, and I don't think I'm waking up. I want a caffienated soda very badly, but it'll throw off my diet, and I'm trying so hard to stick to it. I think I should have taken the day off work, but I don't have a lot of vacation time left because of the honeymoon, and I'm trying to have enough left at the end of the year to be able to visit my family for Christmas.

So, I guess I'll do what I always do, and just power through it. I like hearing Michael say he doesn't know how I do it, anyway. Illness, stress, fatigue, nothing stops me! I just keep going and going and going and going...

May 7, 2008

Wedding Woes

Thanks to Candid Carrie's story of her first wedding, I've decided to share my own wedding woes.
First problem: Six months before the wedding we found out our 'professional' photographer (a family friend of Michael's) was going to use a Kodak Easyshot on a $10 tripod and print the pictures on her home computer with a regular printer that didn't even claim to be a 'photo printer'. EEK!
Solution: We fired her, called our new wedding planner (Michael's cousin) and she found us a wonderful photographer.
Second problem: Three months before the wedding, our priest says he won't marry us unless we have Michael psychologically evaluated because he thinks Michael has a 'deep-seated psychiatric issue'; then we would have to go to 'several months' of marriage counseling; and then we might be able to get married by the end of the next year.
Solution: Get a new priest, find a new reception location, print new invitations.
Third problem: No reception/event location big enough is available on our chosen date of March 15.
Solution: Move the date up a week (the other option was to have the wedding on Easter weekend, that's not possible in a Catholic church), book new reception site, call the invitation people and stop the previous re-order, order new invitations again to reflect date change.
Fourth problem: David's Bridal kept not getting my dress finished. It was late coming in, then only part of the alterations were done for the 'final' fitting, then they could only give us another appointment one week before the wedding (!!!!!), and we (my mom and sister, who drove up from Orlando for all my appointments) had to wait at least an hour past my appointment time to see the seamstress every time I had an appointment, and were always interrupted (not a big deal, except that we were kept waiting).
Solution: The David's Bridal district manager happened to be in town for the last appointment (a week before the wedding) and we got all the alterations and my accessories free. :)
Fifth problem: Michael would not leave the house the night of the wedding. Literally, he refused to leave the house and sleep at his parents' house as planned.
Solution: Cry, fight, yell, cry some more. I ended up sleeping on the couch (one of my bridesmaids, Jillian, was staying with us, she was using my room) and fell asleep crying and thinking 'how could I agree to marry this ASSHOLE!"
Sixth problem: The day of the wedding I could not find the headband my mom bought for me to use, which had flowers on it that were going to be in my bouquet and the crystal bead pattern on it perfectly matched my dress.
Solution: There was no solution for this one. I couldn't find it, I just had to go without it. :(
Seventh problem: I had to go to the bathroom before the ceremony, and in the process I lost the ring Jillian let me use for my something borrowed. That was really bad, because her grandmother had given it to her mom, who gave it to her. It had a very large blue stone in it (I'm not exactly sure what kind, but it was blue) which was surrounded by real diamonds. Small diamonds, sure, but who cares? They were diamonds. And I lost it.
Solution: I found it in my stocking when I was changing from my wedding gown to my 'leaving' dress. :) :) :) I could not have been happier, because losing the ring threatened to be the one thing to ruin the day for me, I felt so bad about it. Jillian was literally crying, both when I lost the ring and when I found it.
Eight problem: One of the cake layers collapsed. It just fell apart. Thankfully it was before anyone saw it, and only the people setting up the cake really had an issue (frosting on formal clothes...ugh).
Solution: Just go with it, not much else to do.
Ninth problem: Half of the guests who RSVPed didn't show. Too much food, too much cake, too many tables and chairs, what a nightmare!
Solution: Donate the leftover food and a good portion of the cake to the homeless shelter in town. It seemed only right to do what we could for other people who have so little when we had way too much, and the people at the shelter were so thankful, as they were getting low on hot food for the day.

Those were the major problems. I know there were more detail, nit-picky type things, but I don't want to think about how much stress I allowed that stuff to cause me, so I'm only giving you the major stuff. Aren't you glad you're not planning a wedding? :) Still, I wouldn't trade it for the world, because we survived, stronger than ever!

New Look

I'm changing some things around in my office, and I decided to do the same for my blog. The colors were getting a little oppresive for me, so, here you have it, my new blog. Hope you like it.

May 2, 2008

Organic orange

I'm having my afternoon snack, and today it's an orange. Specifically an organic orange, I'm not sure what variety. They were fairly inexpensive at Wal-mart, and organic is better for you, so I have them stashed at work. This is the first out of the package I've eaten, and it has ginormous seeds in it. The seeds in an orange really aren't all that interesting, but these are the biggest I've ever seen. I kinda want to plant one or two just to see if it would grow...they look healthy enough. Sometimes I eat a fruit and wonder if I've swallowed a seed, or do it on purpose for the fiber ('s good, I promise!), but these are crazy big, there's no way I would either swallow one, or if I did, I would know it. At least 1/2 an inch long and 1/4 of an inch wide and deep. If I hadn't seen so many non-organic orange seeds in my life (I grew up in Florida), I'm not sure I would believe these were organic.

May 1, 2008

Weight blog/future pregnancy

For any interested, I've started a weight loss blog. The URL is .

One of my main motivations for losing weight (beyond self-respect and a better body image) is my future children. Studies show that overweight moms are likely to bear overweight kids, even if they shed the weight before pregnancy. The study was done on second children. I'm hoping that by losing the weight while I'm still young, and before my first child, I can help tame the effects my eating and lifestyle mistakes will have on my kids. Michael would have kids now, if I would agree to it, but we're not ready, in my opinion. Hopefully we will be after another year. I'm emotionally ready to have a child, but I don't think our lives are ready to handle it. Also, I'm not 21 yet, and would like to celebrate my 21st birthday properly. I can't do that if I'm pregnant, and I've been waiting for this with bated breath for about five years. I'm not saying I've never had a drink, but I'd like to be able to buy my own (and therefore have more control over what I drink and how much), and maybe even have a glass of wine with dinner when we eat out. Back to future pregnancy, I want to be a healthy weight when I get pregnant. Right now my BMI is 34. According to some charts, that means I'm morbidly obese. Most just say obese, with morbid obesity starting around 35. I'm not okay with that. I know I'll gain weight when I'm pregnant, but I don't want that weight gain to put me back up over 200 lbs, which is what it would do right now. I was 220lbs my senior year in high school, and I'm never going to back to that. If I were to get pregnant right now, I know I would be right back there, as I'm 198 right now. So, healthy weight here I come; this time, I'll make it there, and stay there.


My MIL is a very annoying person. My husband loves her, I tolerate her. Her unwanted advice and constant facial expression of superiority annoy me. Her many comments include:
"You don't know anything about art. I know about art." (Beauty is in the eye of the beholder)
"You could do that, if you want to be wrong." (Your POV isn't the only one)
"You're not getting pregnant until you're finished with school." (My choice, not yours; you are not my mother.)
"I could be your new mother." (Who said I needed a new mother? I like mine, thanks)
"I'm older than your mother, I'll tell her a few things." (Older, wiser, more senile, whatever...)

I didn't start this post to rant about my MIL, merely to point out how frustrating she is. Michael knows she frustrates me, and, like the darling male he is, he tries to fix it. He thinks that if we spend more time together, I'll like her more. While I'm with her, I grind my teeth, nod and smile. I don't ask her advice on anything. I never complain about my mom or Michael in front of her. After we leave, I try to leave all the frustration and anger on the doorstep of her hateful house, and not insult her to Michael, which only upsets him. This works for now, but I'm worried about when we have kids. I haven't seen any of her suggestions that work with her grandchildren, but she still continues to boss her 29-year-old daughter around, who has two kids of her own. Misbehaved kids, I grant you, but still. It's not like dear old 'memaw' is doing anything to help. Any suggestions would be welcome.