July 28, 2008

Confused and Troubled

So, here's the thing: I have my real life and my internet life. Sometimes the two mix; and sometimes that mix ends up being like three Sex on the Beaches and five rum and cokes and two vodka shots in about 3 hours...complete with the hangover the next morning.

I've only ever had that much to drink once, and the alcohol came in different forms, but I'm working on a metaphor here, so bear with me.

The vodka shots are like my old standby. The standard I measure all other alcohol against. It's what I started with. Still makes my heart thump a little harder, causes that 'everything's good' feeling, and makes me feel like a girl with her first real love.

The rum and cokes are the alcohol that make up my every day life: family, friends, job, pets, etc. Comfortable, familiar, sweet and yummy.

The Sex on the Beaches are like my current standard. When I drink the vodka, I'm not sure why I switched standards, but I know I did and that I can't really go back to the vodka. I know I'm committed to the Sex on the Beach; even if it makes me throw up. For some reason, I just can't let go, no matter how much I might want to. The Sex on the Beach even has some vodka in it, but it doesn't make me feel the same as the vodka did. But I'm committed, and I can't change that. Still, I can be happy with the Sex on the Beach, and most of the time I am. But when I'm not, all I can remember is that the vodka never made me throw up. I felt bad sometimes, but I never threw up.

Kind of a strange metaphor, I know, but it's where I am right now. I've got my Sex on the Beach and my rum and cokes, and I recently found vodka again. But finding the vodka again has me confused and troubled, and I'm not sure what to do about it.


Stephanie said...

If I'm reading this right, and your metaphor for life and people in your life means what I think it means, I've been where you are. I'm sorry you're feeling confused, and it seems like you're second guessing yourself? Perhaps?
Anyway, I (we) were able to work through it, and now everything is great. I think it would be maybe a bit more odd if you didn't feel this way occasionally, quite frankly.
You're young, you have plenty of time to figure things out. I think you'll figure them out together as you grow together.

Or, I could totally be reading this wrong, and your taste in drinks has recently changed. In that case, wahoo, because I cannot abide anything with vodka;)

Ross said...

I got lost with this one. Vodka and ice with some lime cordial...yum. I know there's some deeper meaning to this post but I didn't pick it up. Sorry...

Ross said...

Hi K8E, hope you are well. Hope you haven't given up making blog posts as you will be a big loss to the blogging community! Don't do a disappearing act like I did :)

Stephanie said...

Hey, haven't "seen" you around here in awhile, so in an effort to propel you back into the blogoshpere, I have tagged you. Visit my blog for details!