Missing

It's funny how many things in your routine can change just because one thing is missing. Michael is away for his job again, for a night or two, and so many things change when he is gone. I don't worry about getting home right after work, I might run to the store for a few things or rent a movie. I don't make a full dinner like I normally do, I just make do with whatever is in the fridge and can be cooked or heated up in the microwave. If I don't have anything like that, I either don't eat or I go down to the gas station/convenience restaurant and get a cheeseburger or personal pizza. I take a long, slow shower, since I'm the only one using the hot water. I stay up as late as possible so I'm really tired and fall asleep quickly when I do go to bed. I sleep on his side of the bed, and use my cell phone as an alarm so I can turn it off without getting out of bed. That way I can take my temperature in the morning without it being erroneous (we use natural family planning for birth control - no, it's not the rhythm method, yes it really works).
All the little adjustments I make to my schedule seem so natural to me, I wonder if that's what my life would be like if I had somehow built the same life I have now without meeting Michael. I know that would be impossible, but sometimes I wonder. I probably wouldn't have a dog, or leather furniture, but everything else is possible, if only remotely.
The good thing is that I look at my life, see what it is without Michael, and I am infinitely happier to have him. Yes, it's nice to have some time alone once in a while, but it's nicer to know that no matter what, I have someone to love, to celebrate and cry with, and to just live with. For all we are or aren't, I'm so glad there's a 'we'. I'm also grateful for the large part of my life when I wasn't part of a 'we', because I appreciate this so much more.