March 10, 2009

Our First Anniversary

On Sunday, I recalled how one year ago, Michael and I said our vows, promising ourselves to the other forever, come what may. We walked down the aisle, arm in arm, smiling, with our family and friends around us, and the day seemed so wonderful. Our reception, our first dance, everything was like a fairy tale. Then it came time for our cake, which ended up in my face, courtesy of my new husband. Everything wasn't so perfect anymore.

I feel like marriage itself is very much like that. Everything is going along just peachy, and then something happens and before you know it you're hurt and angry and wondering why in the world you let this person into your life.

Over the past year, Michael and I have discussed our hopes and dreams for our future, ending the marriage, having kids, building a house, and how much we hate each other sometimes. We've had some definite low points, but I knew we could get through it, if only we tried hard enough. This past year has meant a lot to me, because I feel like every year we're together it cements the relationship, and now we've made it through a year of marriage. That's something to celebrate.

Celebrate we did. We went to Gatlinburg, TN, and Helen, GA. It was just a short weekend trip, but I thought it would be fun. We hadn't gone anywhere since the honeymoon, and we both needed a vacation, even if it was just a little one. Once again, everything was wonderful.

He wanted his gift on Friday night, and I didn't see the harm. So I gave it to him, and he said "Only a card?" But I just nodded and said "Yep, just what's in the envelope." So he opened it, read the card and what I wrote, said thank you, and was just about to close it when he noticed what was stuck to the last part of the card. Tickets. To Talladega Superspeedway for the Aaron's 499. I thought he would be so excited and happy, because he's never been to Talladega, and they are good seasts, but he just looked at them and said "Oh, that's nice, thank you." So we talked about the tickets for awhile, decided that I wouldn't go because my nephew is due around that time and I want to go to see him. We talked about some other things, and then he gave me my gift.

"Well, I didn't get you anything, so you can just pick you out something, ok?" Yep, that's what I got for my anniversary...just a whole bunch of cake in my face. Now, I'm doing The Love Dare from the movie "Fireproof", and that day's dare was to react to difficult situations calmly and lovingly, so that's what I felt I had to do. I had also suspected that he didn't get me anything, because I helped him pack both his suitcase and the car, and there was nothing there, and he's not good at hiding things, so I wasn't totally blind-sighted. If I had been I doubt I could have just said 'ok' and left it at that.

Last night, however, I was on a different dare and I mentioned it again, but I did it calmly. And he said 'oh, I'll get you something.' I felt so loved.

So, here's my question: should I leave it like it is, because I know anything I buy is going to be too expensive from his perspective, and not what I wanted anyway because what I wanted was his consideration. Or, should I buy something, regardless of the expense (as long as we can afford it), to try to make him understand where I'm coming from?

1 comment:

Stephanie said...

Mmm. That sounded hurtful. I think if I were you? The only thing I'd do is have him read this. I think he needs to know how he made you feel. Certainly you need to address it, else the wound will fester and cause bigger problems down the road, I think. I'm sorry your first anniversary was not how you hoped it would be. Best to you.