March 3, 2009

Why are men so dense?

My darling husband can be a complete idiot at times. This can come in the form of questions that answer themselves, statements that shouldn't be stated, ideas that should never leave his mind and questions like this gem he came up with this morning:

"So, do we get each other gifts for our anniversary, or what? I mean, I wouldn't know what to do."

Our anniversary is in 5 days. I have already gotten him a gift, thought about the presentation, what we're going to do on Sunday, and how and when to plan for the use of the gift (NASCAR tickets for Talladega). Now, 5 days before, he wants to know if we are supposed to get each other gifts. Why is it that he can't think ahead? I've already thought about gifts for his birthday, Christmas, next Valentine's Day, and our next anniversary. I haven't gone so far as to purchase anything, but I've thought about what I might get him. He has known from the day we set our wedding date about 2 years ago, that we would have our first anniversary on March 8, 2009. He should also realize that our second anniversary will be March 8, 2010. See how that works? It's the same date every year: March 8. It comes a little less than a month after Valentine's Day, so that would be a good time to start thinking about what to buy, or to agree to make each other something, or to just take a weekend away, or not buy each other anything but just spend time together. Not my husband though, he wants to be able to cobble something together less than a week ahead of time.

He also wants to go away this weekend. I could have watched for good hotel deals, etc, but now I'm stuck with what I can put together in this short amount of time. And I'll have to figure it out, because I've asked him several times since he mentioned going away this weekend where he wants to go, and he doesn't know. That's all he'll say. With other guys, that might indicate that he had all the plans already made, and he was just trying to give me fair warning so I'd have time to pack, etc. But I know Michael better than that. If he had something planned, he wouldn't be able to keep it secret. And, honestly, I know why he wants to go away this weekend: his niece is having a birthday party and he doesn't want to go. I understand that, she's going to be 4, and being around a bunch of 4-year-olds with adults who act about that age is not my idea of a good time. But still, we need to know where we're going so we can make hotel reservations.

And, finally, he wants to know what he should get me. Again. Everytime a gift-giving holiday or occasion comes up, he wants to know what he should get me. I spend hours thinking about what to get him, finding the best deal (he appreciates that) and making sure it's something he'll love. I don't always hit the mark, but I spend a lot of time trying. He just wants a list, and then he'll go out and buy something from the list. What's more, he wants a long list, so he has a lot to choose from and I won't know what I'm getting. And to add insult to injury, he won't make me a list. No matter how much I ask, he will not write down what he wants. I get one of two answers (and most often it's the first): "I don't know what I want" or "[Insert requested items]" and I have to write them down. Then, it comes to giving the gift, and I've chosen something on his list, but it turns out he doesn't want that anymore. He doesn't get mad, and he appreciates it, but you can see that it was something he changed his mind about, or he didn't realize exactly what he was asking for, or he wasn't explicit enough in his description of the item, so what I got him isn't really what he wanted.

Now, this isn't all bad. I do usually end up getting what I wanted, and Michael has excellent taste in fine jewelry. The problem here isn't the things I do or don't get. My problem with all of this is that he doesn't think about [what to get] me. I could deal with bad gifts and horrible presentation, if he would just put some thought into it. I think I would actually appreciate that more, because I would know that at some point in his day, he took time to think about me and only me, and what I would like to have that I would never buy for myself. When they say it's the thought that counts, they really mean it. He could get me a coffee mug and I would appreciate it deeply if I knew it was because he heard me say that I hate my current one and he found out why and bought me something better. All I want is a little thought, even if it is just for gift-giving, and never any other time.

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