April 21, 2009

All I Want To Do is Read

I'm obsessed with books. If you saw Inkheart, I'm the crazy, cowardly aunt with the huge library (or I'd like to have a library that huge). Belle is my favorite Disney princess because of that gigantic library she has. There is no such thing as 'enough' books. I imagine that if I managed to read every book ever written in or translated into the English language I would have to learn another language (Italian, most likely) just so I could keep reading. If you read my previous post, you know I was reading the Twilight series. I finished it in four days. Yes, really. Four books, four days. And I still went to work. I didn't sleep very much.

I don't go into book stores unless I've just read some very good books, because I don't trust myself to go in starving. I've drained my bank account more than once doing that. Even when I'm not starving I really can't go in very often because I don't trust myself to browse. I have to go in with a specific goal. Mostly I shop online because I can just look up the book I want without catching sight of others that look good as well. It's not as fun, but it's safer and cheaper as well.

So, you would think that a career having something to do with books would be a good pick for me. I thought so too. An editor, for instance, would be a fantastic job for me, but I imagine I'm not the only bibliophile out there who enjoys reading not only the finished product on the shelves with a red pen in hand but also any rough copy I can get my hands on. I've stopped reading my finished books with a real red pen actually in my hand - they get rather messy - but if I get my hands on an advance copy or a manuscript (say, online, after a book has been published) it's so much fun for me to see what I would have changed compared to what was changed. So, I've been doing some research, and it turns out that the best place to become an editor (after obtaining a college degree in English) is New York. Damn. I know I'm not the only red-pen-armed bibliophile there, and I'm not actually even there, nor will I ever really be there for long enough to start a career and become established enough to work away from there. Damn, damn, damn.

Okay, next plan. Something, perhaps, attainable in this small little 'town' where I live? English teacher? Hmm...that has possibilities. I've always loved English. I'd teach high school, of course. I have a hard enough time dealing with adults and those who are almost adults, I couldn't imagine middle school, or *shudder* having to teach every subject including Math in Elementary School. Nothing too terrible about this career path, except perhaps the pay and extra hours outside of school, but I could get over that. Of course, the students could be a problem for me. I hated the students in my high school classes who made fun of Shakespeare and couldn't appreciate the beauty of classic literature. Would I feel the same hatred? Would I be able to get past it? Would I be able to let it go and not judge them on it? If they obviously hated the material but wrote good papers would I be able to grade them fairly? Well, yes, if the papers were good. But what if they were only mediocre? Would I grade them worse because I felt they hadn't even tried because they hated the book or play? I honestly don't know. And, I'm afraid it would ruin it for me if I didn't have at least one student like me in every class.

And, in the end, all I want to do is read. Yep, read. I don't want to analyze or find the themes or write up tests or any of that nonsense. I just want to read and enjoy books without knowing why. But, after all those years of having all of that 'nonsense' pounded into my head, I can't help it. I see foreshadowing and themes and everything else that is written into good books (which I can't write myself, incidently) without even trying. I wonder what all of it means. What should I be doing?

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