I'm a crier. And it sucks. I just had to sit through a ... conference, I guess, would be the word, with my bosses and pretend that I wasn't crying because I didn't want to be and by all rights, I shouldn't have been.
This 'conference' was about my answer to a question my boss asked me yesterday. Well, I thought he was asking me, apparently he was asking anyone in earshot who might know something about the situation. One of our clients wanted something corrected, and it was something I didn't know anything about. When he asked what was going on, I apparently said something that was too loud, was in a negative tone and was 'counterproductive'. Since he apparently wasn't asking me (though I'm fairly sure he was since I answered the phone when the client called, dealt with it the most, and he was looking directly at me when he asked), perhaps I should have just sat there and said nothing. I'm sure that would have gone over much better.
So today, when he called me in the conference room and told me what we were going to talk about, for some unknown reason, I start to cry. Now, this incident doesn't particularly upset me to the point that I should cry. I'm mad that he thinks what I said was unreasonable and didn't say anything about at the time; I think situations should be dealt with as they come, not left to simmer and change in someones mind until they've decided what happened instead of clearly remembering it. Also, I don't have a clear memory of the incident, whereas if he had said something yesterday, I would have been able to explain or at least know for sure what I said. But I digress, I can't logically see anything about this situation that should make me cry. They didn't put me on probation, I'm in no danger of losing my job, he and my other boss weren't really even mad. I think he was just concerned that at some point my frustration would spill out on a client or another employee who wouldn't be so understanding (and I'll admit that while it might touch another employee, I would never be anything but polite to a client, even if I was pissed). Over-concerned might be a better term than concerned. It bothers me that he thinks I might be rude to a client, but that's not something to cry over. It bothers me that they've never pulled the receptionist for this kind of conversation no matter how unprofessional she is to people on the phone. It bothers me that he could easily have dealt with this whole thing himself if he had picked up the phone when I told him he had a call rather than leaving the client on hold so long that she hung up. Yet none of these things is worth crying over. Please understand that I wasn't bawling. Tears gathered in my eyes and a few ran down my face despite my best attempts to blink them away. Yet I couldn't even speak my peace because my voice trembled too much when I tried, and hearing that made me want to cry more.
I didn't use to be like this. In elementary school, I tumbled down a flight of twelve tile and concrete stairs and never shed a tear. In middle school my heart was broken by the love of my life, Patrick, when he said he didn't like me back and I didn't cry until I was home and in bed for the night. Nobody even thought I was upset. Then I hit high school and ever since then I have had no control over my tear ducts. The slightest thing happens and I tear up. I can hit my foot on the pet gate and I'm crying like a baby. Michael and I are joking around and all of a sudden it's not funny to me anymore and I'm crying like he's told me he wants a divorce. What is wrong with me? I could understand it through my teenage years, with puberty and hormones going crazy, but I'm an adult now, and should be well past that. Molehills should like like molehills, not mountains. And mountains shouldn't look like they're insurmountable. They should just look like a challenge, like it's always been. Or, like it was before, like it would be to the person I think of myself as.
But here we go again, I just saw one of my bosses walk by, and I thought he might say something, so I started to tear up. He didn't stop, and I was able to dismiss it, but damn I wish I could stop this.
February 12, 2009
January 9, 2009
Wet Rat
Anyone ever seen a wet rat? Believe it or not, they can be cute!
See? I told you! :)
Want to play along with the Friday Foto Fun? Visit Candid Carrie for the rules, and have fun!
See? I told you! :)
Want to play along with the Friday Foto Fun? Visit Candid Carrie for the rules, and have fun!
January 8, 2009
Men!
Let's start off on the same page: the exclamation point in the title is not one of excitement, but of the type of complete, at-the-end-of-your-rope utter frustration I'm sure every woman experiences about men at some point in her lifetime. Why am I so frustrated? Let me count the ways.
1. Office temperature. My (male) bosses seem to think that 61 is an appropriate office temperature all year round. In my and my frozen coworkers' opinions, it is never an appropriate office temperature. All year round I have to wear a coat to work because I will likely end with hypothermia if I don't. I know we don't really have a winter here, but during our approximation of that wonderful season, I have to wear gloves to work so my fingers don't turn into ice cubes and fall off while I attempt to work. I bought an electric kettle so I could have a hot drink any time without having to leave my office.
So my coworkers and I adapt. Some of them adapt with electric heaters. Which my bosses are opposed to, because they are dangerous (we can still have them, though, because the CEO is female and understands). The obvious solution? Set the temperature at about 72, year round, and get fans! Duh! But is that what happens? No, of course not, because heaven forbid they have to have a fan running when we have an air conditioning system. Our office power bill? About $1,000 a month, year round, and this is a one level office, 6000 sq.ft. My house is 1600 sq.ft., and our power bill is usually less than $100. A simple estimate puts the office power bill at $375. Even if we doubled that, it would save us $3000 per year.They want to cut costs (as always), but heaven forbid it start with the power bill.
2. Bosses who need checking up on. That's right, one of my bosses actually tells us to bug him about getting things done. Why? Because he has 'so much on his plate' he 'forgets'. Here's my question: why should it be my or anyone else's job who is not specifically an assistant to make sure the boss gets his work done?! We have our own work to do and projects to remember all the details on. No one is helping us. We make lists and put reminders on a calendar. If we forget to do something, we get our heads get bitten off. When he forgets to do something, he doesn't get in trouble, we do! He does not have an assistant, but he shouldn't need one. That's what Outlook calendars, PDAs, and to do lists are for! Everyone else has to make do (including the other boss, who does just fine).
3. Men who don't listen. Specifically, I'm talking about my husband, and I'm not talking about me saying something and him forgetting when I ask him about it a week later. He doesn't actually listen to what I say. I can be in the same room with him, looking at him, and speaking at a normal (or even loud) volume. I finish what I'm saying, and generally expect a response. Do you know what response I get? Myself, asking him if he heard me. To my and his knowledge, he doesn't have physical hearing problems. He hears me just fine if he wants to interrupt me (and when he does is about the only time I know he's listening). When I ask him if he heard me, most of the time he says "no, I'm sorry". Sometimes he mixes it up by saying "I'm sorry, no". Here's the kicker: when I don't say anything, he notices, and asks me what's wrong, or gets mad because I'm "just sitting there like a bump on a log". Then, when I say he never listens to what I say, he develops amnesia and denies it, and gets even madder because I dare suggest that he commits such an atrocity.
And finally:
4. Men making inappropriate statements around me. Two specifics here: my husband and my father-in-law. My husband is less annoying in this because he's my husband, and our level of familiarity is expected. So when he talks about things related to the toilet, or his digestive tract, or any number of other disgusting things, I understand a little. I still let him know that it's disgusting and he needs to remember that I'm a Lady (yes, in the old sense of the word;that's how I think of myself), and he needs to treat me as such, but I do understand a little.
For his father (who is much, much worse) there is no excuse. I am his daughter-in-law, not his friend, and he needs to remember that. He regularly asks me if I would like to bathe him, leans up against me, and talks about his doctor appointments, my husband and I sleeping together, his 'ding-a-ling' (no, I am not making that up) and generally acts like a lewd old man. Which, in my opinion, is what he is. Beyond the occasional lean and his 'jokes' (yes, he actually thinks it's funny to talk about those things), he has never actually done anything inappropriate toward me, and I don't think he would, but the thought has crossed my mind. No doubt he would take offense at that, but my opinion is that when you act the part questions are bound to be asked. Especially considering that he does speak about these things around his grandchildren. I grant that they are only 3 and 1, but that shouldn't matter. Especially with the three-year-old, they are getting old enough pick up on this kind of thing, and they don't need that. They are both female, and could easily learn that it's okay for other males to speak about it because "Pawpaw" does. That is not going to lead them into anything good. Does he care or even understand that? I doubt it, and it scares me, especially for my own children.
Those are my main complaints about men for now. I could go on, but you're probably already wondering if this post will ever end. Let me help you out: The End!
1. Office temperature. My (male) bosses seem to think that 61 is an appropriate office temperature all year round. In my and my frozen coworkers' opinions, it is never an appropriate office temperature. All year round I have to wear a coat to work because I will likely end with hypothermia if I don't. I know we don't really have a winter here, but during our approximation of that wonderful season, I have to wear gloves to work so my fingers don't turn into ice cubes and fall off while I attempt to work. I bought an electric kettle so I could have a hot drink any time without having to leave my office.
So my coworkers and I adapt. Some of them adapt with electric heaters. Which my bosses are opposed to, because they are dangerous (we can still have them, though, because the CEO is female and understands). The obvious solution? Set the temperature at about 72, year round, and get fans! Duh! But is that what happens? No, of course not, because heaven forbid they have to have a fan running when we have an air conditioning system. Our office power bill? About $1,000 a month, year round, and this is a one level office, 6000 sq.ft. My house is 1600 sq.ft., and our power bill is usually less than $100. A simple estimate puts the office power bill at $375. Even if we doubled that, it would save us $3000 per year.They want to cut costs (as always), but heaven forbid it start with the power bill.
2. Bosses who need checking up on. That's right, one of my bosses actually tells us to bug him about getting things done. Why? Because he has 'so much on his plate' he 'forgets'. Here's my question: why should it be my or anyone else's job who is not specifically an assistant to make sure the boss gets his work done?! We have our own work to do and projects to remember all the details on. No one is helping us. We make lists and put reminders on a calendar. If we forget to do something, we get our heads get bitten off. When he forgets to do something, he doesn't get in trouble, we do! He does not have an assistant, but he shouldn't need one. That's what Outlook calendars, PDAs, and to do lists are for! Everyone else has to make do (including the other boss, who does just fine).
3. Men who don't listen. Specifically, I'm talking about my husband, and I'm not talking about me saying something and him forgetting when I ask him about it a week later. He doesn't actually listen to what I say. I can be in the same room with him, looking at him, and speaking at a normal (or even loud) volume. I finish what I'm saying, and generally expect a response. Do you know what response I get? Myself, asking him if he heard me. To my and his knowledge, he doesn't have physical hearing problems. He hears me just fine if he wants to interrupt me (and when he does is about the only time I know he's listening). When I ask him if he heard me, most of the time he says "no, I'm sorry". Sometimes he mixes it up by saying "I'm sorry, no". Here's the kicker: when I don't say anything, he notices, and asks me what's wrong, or gets mad because I'm "just sitting there like a bump on a log". Then, when I say he never listens to what I say, he develops amnesia and denies it, and gets even madder because I dare suggest that he commits such an atrocity.
And finally:
4. Men making inappropriate statements around me. Two specifics here: my husband and my father-in-law. My husband is less annoying in this because he's my husband, and our level of familiarity is expected. So when he talks about things related to the toilet, or his digestive tract, or any number of other disgusting things, I understand a little. I still let him know that it's disgusting and he needs to remember that I'm a Lady (yes, in the old sense of the word;that's how I think of myself), and he needs to treat me as such, but I do understand a little.
For his father (who is much, much worse) there is no excuse. I am his daughter-in-law, not his friend, and he needs to remember that. He regularly asks me if I would like to bathe him, leans up against me, and talks about his doctor appointments, my husband and I sleeping together, his 'ding-a-ling' (no, I am not making that up) and generally acts like a lewd old man. Which, in my opinion, is what he is. Beyond the occasional lean and his 'jokes' (yes, he actually thinks it's funny to talk about those things), he has never actually done anything inappropriate toward me, and I don't think he would, but the thought has crossed my mind. No doubt he would take offense at that, but my opinion is that when you act the part questions are bound to be asked. Especially considering that he does speak about these things around his grandchildren. I grant that they are only 3 and 1, but that shouldn't matter. Especially with the three-year-old, they are getting old enough pick up on this kind of thing, and they don't need that. They are both female, and could easily learn that it's okay for other males to speak about it because "Pawpaw" does. That is not going to lead them into anything good. Does he care or even understand that? I doubt it, and it scares me, especially for my own children.
Those are my main complaints about men for now. I could go on, but you're probably already wondering if this post will ever end. Let me help you out: The End!
January 2, 2009
Resolutions
I usually make New Year's Resolutions, at least one or two. This year I have several:
1. Keep up with daily devotionals and pray the Rosary at least once per week
I'm already falling behind on this one, but I have to keep trying. The Holy Spirit has been nudging me toward this for awhile, and now I feel as though it's imperative. I pray every day, but I need to do devotionals to keep up with my Scripture reading. It falls by the wayside too often.
2. Finish weight loss once and for all (hopefully by the end of June).
3. Respect Michael more.
I don't often give Michael enough credit for the wonderful man he is, and I catch myself thinking of him as a boy yet to be properly raised. But he is a grown man, and I need to learn to treat him as such, and stop trying to train him. Everyone says you can't change someone, and I believed every word, but I'm coming to the realization that you can't expect your husband to want to change just because you want him to. Subconciously, that is what I expected. If he wanted me to change, I would want to change because I love him, and vice versa. We have both changed a little to suit each other and ourselves, but I have to accept that he won't always want to change a habit or behavior that annoys me, and nor will I for him.
4. Cross stitch, play the flute, read, and enjoy life more.
I think that'll do for now. Wish me luck!
1. Keep up with daily devotionals and pray the Rosary at least once per week
I'm already falling behind on this one, but I have to keep trying. The Holy Spirit has been nudging me toward this for awhile, and now I feel as though it's imperative. I pray every day, but I need to do devotionals to keep up with my Scripture reading. It falls by the wayside too often.
2. Finish weight loss once and for all (hopefully by the end of June).
3. Respect Michael more.
I don't often give Michael enough credit for the wonderful man he is, and I catch myself thinking of him as a boy yet to be properly raised. But he is a grown man, and I need to learn to treat him as such, and stop trying to train him. Everyone says you can't change someone, and I believed every word, but I'm coming to the realization that you can't expect your husband to want to change just because you want him to. Subconciously, that is what I expected. If he wanted me to change, I would want to change because I love him, and vice versa. We have both changed a little to suit each other and ourselves, but I have to accept that he won't always want to change a habit or behavior that annoys me, and nor will I for him.
4. Cross stitch, play the flute, read, and enjoy life more.
I think that'll do for now. Wish me luck!
December 12, 2008
Memory & Friday Foto Fun!
My memory stinks. I'm always forgetting to do things or losing items of significant value, and it tends to cause problems. On an average day I tend to lose my car keys, my house keys and my cell phone; I forget to put the clothes in the dryer, or put the dishes away. On a bad day I may lose my debit card or wallet; I forget to finish a project at work before the deadline or that Michael has something important going on that I need to be home for. On a horrible day I could lose such treasures as the memory card with all of our honeymoon pictures, or the diamond necklace Michael gave me for my 21st birthday; I might forget to make a $67,000 deposit for work which results in one of our client's accounts being overdrawn by $45,000.
All of those things have actually happened to me in the last year. All had happy (or at least acceptable) endings, but it is incredibly frustrating. I am really bad at organization and time management, but how does one improve in those areas? Would better skills in those areas solve my problem, or just make it easier to get things done when I remember them? I don't know, but improving those skills is my only plan at the moment, so I'm giving it a try. Any tips are welcome.
So far today is only a general day: I meant to bring my camera so I could participate in Candid Carrie's Friday Foto Finish Fiesta, and I was going to choose a photo that I would fiddle with if I won her Phun Photofiddle Giveaway. But (big surprise) I forgot, so instead, I'm going to have to go with this photo of my cutie nephew and Santa (I'm sure you're all so dissapointed).
Elijah is 3 years old, and that photo has not been photoshopped or retouched in any way. He is one tall kid. That's why this picture (taken before a game with Grandpa):
Will soon become this picture:
Assuming, of course, that he stays as interested in football as he is now. I don't see his interest fading any, however, since his mom and dad aren't fans (except of him) and his interest in it seems to come completely from within himself.
Want to play along with the Friday Foto Fun? Just post a phavorite photo in your post today, link to Candid Carrie's post in yours, and enter your name and URL in her post. It's easy, I promise! Go, go, go! Do it now!
All of those things have actually happened to me in the last year. All had happy (or at least acceptable) endings, but it is incredibly frustrating. I am really bad at organization and time management, but how does one improve in those areas? Would better skills in those areas solve my problem, or just make it easier to get things done when I remember them? I don't know, but improving those skills is my only plan at the moment, so I'm giving it a try. Any tips are welcome.
So far today is only a general day: I meant to bring my camera so I could participate in Candid Carrie's Friday Foto Finish Fiesta, and I was going to choose a photo that I would fiddle with if I won her Phun Photofiddle Giveaway. But (big surprise) I forgot, so instead, I'm going to have to go with this photo of my cutie nephew and Santa (I'm sure you're all so dissapointed).
Elijah is 3 years old, and that photo has not been photoshopped or retouched in any way. He is one tall kid. That's why this picture (taken before a game with Grandpa):
Will soon become this picture:
Assuming, of course, that he stays as interested in football as he is now. I don't see his interest fading any, however, since his mom and dad aren't fans (except of him) and his interest in it seems to come completely from within himself.
Want to play along with the Friday Foto Fun? Just post a phavorite photo in your post today, link to Candid Carrie's post in yours, and enter your name and URL in her post. It's easy, I promise! Go, go, go! Do it now!
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