My darling husband can be a complete idiot at times. This can come in the form of questions that answer themselves, statements that shouldn't be stated, ideas that should never leave his mind and questions like this gem he came up with this morning:
"So, do we get each other gifts for our anniversary, or what? I mean, I wouldn't know what to do."
Our anniversary is in 5 days. I have already gotten him a gift, thought about the presentation, what we're going to do on Sunday, and how and when to plan for the use of the gift (NASCAR tickets for Talladega). Now, 5 days before, he wants to know if we are supposed to get each other gifts. Why is it that he can't think ahead? I've already thought about gifts for his birthday, Christmas, next Valentine's Day, and our next anniversary. I haven't gone so far as to purchase anything, but I've thought about what I might get him. He has known from the day we set our wedding date about 2 years ago, that we would have our first anniversary on March 8, 2009. He should also realize that our second anniversary will be March 8, 2010. See how that works? It's the same date every year: March 8. It comes a little less than a month after Valentine's Day, so that would be a good time to start thinking about what to buy, or to agree to make each other something, or to just take a weekend away, or not buy each other anything but just spend time together. Not my husband though, he wants to be able to cobble something together less than a week ahead of time.
He also wants to go away this weekend. I could have watched for good hotel deals, etc, but now I'm stuck with what I can put together in this short amount of time. And I'll have to figure it out, because I've asked him several times since he mentioned going away this weekend where he wants to go, and he doesn't know. That's all he'll say. With other guys, that might indicate that he had all the plans already made, and he was just trying to give me fair warning so I'd have time to pack, etc. But I know Michael better than that. If he had something planned, he wouldn't be able to keep it secret. And, honestly, I know why he wants to go away this weekend: his niece is having a birthday party and he doesn't want to go. I understand that, she's going to be 4, and being around a bunch of 4-year-olds with adults who act about that age is not my idea of a good time. But still, we need to know where we're going so we can make hotel reservations.
And, finally, he wants to know what he should get me. Again. Everytime a gift-giving holiday or occasion comes up, he wants to know what he should get me. I spend hours thinking about what to get him, finding the best deal (he appreciates that) and making sure it's something he'll love. I don't always hit the mark, but I spend a lot of time trying. He just wants a list, and then he'll go out and buy something from the list. What's more, he wants a long list, so he has a lot to choose from and I won't know what I'm getting. And to add insult to injury, he won't make me a list. No matter how much I ask, he will not write down what he wants. I get one of two answers (and most often it's the first): "I don't know what I want" or "[Insert requested items]" and I have to write them down. Then, it comes to giving the gift, and I've chosen something on his list, but it turns out he doesn't want that anymore. He doesn't get mad, and he appreciates it, but you can see that it was something he changed his mind about, or he didn't realize exactly what he was asking for, or he wasn't explicit enough in his description of the item, so what I got him isn't really what he wanted.
Now, this isn't all bad. I do usually end up getting what I wanted, and Michael has excellent taste in fine jewelry. The problem here isn't the things I do or don't get. My problem with all of this is that he doesn't think about [what to get] me. I could deal with bad gifts and horrible presentation, if he would just put some thought into it. I think I would actually appreciate that more, because I would know that at some point in his day, he took time to think about me and only me, and what I would like to have that I would never buy for myself. When they say it's the thought that counts, they really mean it. He could get me a coffee mug and I would appreciate it deeply if I knew it was because he heard me say that I hate my current one and he found out why and bought me something better. All I want is a little thought, even if it is just for gift-giving, and never any other time.
March 3, 2009
February 12, 2009
Waterworks
I'm a crier. And it sucks. I just had to sit through a ... conference, I guess, would be the word, with my bosses and pretend that I wasn't crying because I didn't want to be and by all rights, I shouldn't have been.
This 'conference' was about my answer to a question my boss asked me yesterday. Well, I thought he was asking me, apparently he was asking anyone in earshot who might know something about the situation. One of our clients wanted something corrected, and it was something I didn't know anything about. When he asked what was going on, I apparently said something that was too loud, was in a negative tone and was 'counterproductive'. Since he apparently wasn't asking me (though I'm fairly sure he was since I answered the phone when the client called, dealt with it the most, and he was looking directly at me when he asked), perhaps I should have just sat there and said nothing. I'm sure that would have gone over much better.
So today, when he called me in the conference room and told me what we were going to talk about, for some unknown reason, I start to cry. Now, this incident doesn't particularly upset me to the point that I should cry. I'm mad that he thinks what I said was unreasonable and didn't say anything about at the time; I think situations should be dealt with as they come, not left to simmer and change in someones mind until they've decided what happened instead of clearly remembering it. Also, I don't have a clear memory of the incident, whereas if he had said something yesterday, I would have been able to explain or at least know for sure what I said. But I digress, I can't logically see anything about this situation that should make me cry. They didn't put me on probation, I'm in no danger of losing my job, he and my other boss weren't really even mad. I think he was just concerned that at some point my frustration would spill out on a client or another employee who wouldn't be so understanding (and I'll admit that while it might touch another employee, I would never be anything but polite to a client, even if I was pissed). Over-concerned might be a better term than concerned. It bothers me that he thinks I might be rude to a client, but that's not something to cry over. It bothers me that they've never pulled the receptionist for this kind of conversation no matter how unprofessional she is to people on the phone. It bothers me that he could easily have dealt with this whole thing himself if he had picked up the phone when I told him he had a call rather than leaving the client on hold so long that she hung up. Yet none of these things is worth crying over. Please understand that I wasn't bawling. Tears gathered in my eyes and a few ran down my face despite my best attempts to blink them away. Yet I couldn't even speak my peace because my voice trembled too much when I tried, and hearing that made me want to cry more.
I didn't use to be like this. In elementary school, I tumbled down a flight of twelve tile and concrete stairs and never shed a tear. In middle school my heart was broken by the love of my life, Patrick, when he said he didn't like me back and I didn't cry until I was home and in bed for the night. Nobody even thought I was upset. Then I hit high school and ever since then I have had no control over my tear ducts. The slightest thing happens and I tear up. I can hit my foot on the pet gate and I'm crying like a baby. Michael and I are joking around and all of a sudden it's not funny to me anymore and I'm crying like he's told me he wants a divorce. What is wrong with me? I could understand it through my teenage years, with puberty and hormones going crazy, but I'm an adult now, and should be well past that. Molehills should like like molehills, not mountains. And mountains shouldn't look like they're insurmountable. They should just look like a challenge, like it's always been. Or, like it was before, like it would be to the person I think of myself as.
But here we go again, I just saw one of my bosses walk by, and I thought he might say something, so I started to tear up. He didn't stop, and I was able to dismiss it, but damn I wish I could stop this.
This 'conference' was about my answer to a question my boss asked me yesterday. Well, I thought he was asking me, apparently he was asking anyone in earshot who might know something about the situation. One of our clients wanted something corrected, and it was something I didn't know anything about. When he asked what was going on, I apparently said something that was too loud, was in a negative tone and was 'counterproductive'. Since he apparently wasn't asking me (though I'm fairly sure he was since I answered the phone when the client called, dealt with it the most, and he was looking directly at me when he asked), perhaps I should have just sat there and said nothing. I'm sure that would have gone over much better.
So today, when he called me in the conference room and told me what we were going to talk about, for some unknown reason, I start to cry. Now, this incident doesn't particularly upset me to the point that I should cry. I'm mad that he thinks what I said was unreasonable and didn't say anything about at the time; I think situations should be dealt with as they come, not left to simmer and change in someones mind until they've decided what happened instead of clearly remembering it. Also, I don't have a clear memory of the incident, whereas if he had said something yesterday, I would have been able to explain or at least know for sure what I said. But I digress, I can't logically see anything about this situation that should make me cry. They didn't put me on probation, I'm in no danger of losing my job, he and my other boss weren't really even mad. I think he was just concerned that at some point my frustration would spill out on a client or another employee who wouldn't be so understanding (and I'll admit that while it might touch another employee, I would never be anything but polite to a client, even if I was pissed). Over-concerned might be a better term than concerned. It bothers me that he thinks I might be rude to a client, but that's not something to cry over. It bothers me that they've never pulled the receptionist for this kind of conversation no matter how unprofessional she is to people on the phone. It bothers me that he could easily have dealt with this whole thing himself if he had picked up the phone when I told him he had a call rather than leaving the client on hold so long that she hung up. Yet none of these things is worth crying over. Please understand that I wasn't bawling. Tears gathered in my eyes and a few ran down my face despite my best attempts to blink them away. Yet I couldn't even speak my peace because my voice trembled too much when I tried, and hearing that made me want to cry more.
I didn't use to be like this. In elementary school, I tumbled down a flight of twelve tile and concrete stairs and never shed a tear. In middle school my heart was broken by the love of my life, Patrick, when he said he didn't like me back and I didn't cry until I was home and in bed for the night. Nobody even thought I was upset. Then I hit high school and ever since then I have had no control over my tear ducts. The slightest thing happens and I tear up. I can hit my foot on the pet gate and I'm crying like a baby. Michael and I are joking around and all of a sudden it's not funny to me anymore and I'm crying like he's told me he wants a divorce. What is wrong with me? I could understand it through my teenage years, with puberty and hormones going crazy, but I'm an adult now, and should be well past that. Molehills should like like molehills, not mountains. And mountains shouldn't look like they're insurmountable. They should just look like a challenge, like it's always been. Or, like it was before, like it would be to the person I think of myself as.
But here we go again, I just saw one of my bosses walk by, and I thought he might say something, so I started to tear up. He didn't stop, and I was able to dismiss it, but damn I wish I could stop this.
January 9, 2009
Wet Rat
Anyone ever seen a wet rat? Believe it or not, they can be cute!
See? I told you! :)
Want to play along with the Friday Foto Fun? Visit Candid Carrie for the rules, and have fun!
See? I told you! :)
Want to play along with the Friday Foto Fun? Visit Candid Carrie for the rules, and have fun!
January 8, 2009
Men!
Let's start off on the same page: the exclamation point in the title is not one of excitement, but of the type of complete, at-the-end-of-your-rope utter frustration I'm sure every woman experiences about men at some point in her lifetime. Why am I so frustrated? Let me count the ways.
1. Office temperature. My (male) bosses seem to think that 61 is an appropriate office temperature all year round. In my and my frozen coworkers' opinions, it is never an appropriate office temperature. All year round I have to wear a coat to work because I will likely end with hypothermia if I don't. I know we don't really have a winter here, but during our approximation of that wonderful season, I have to wear gloves to work so my fingers don't turn into ice cubes and fall off while I attempt to work. I bought an electric kettle so I could have a hot drink any time without having to leave my office.
So my coworkers and I adapt. Some of them adapt with electric heaters. Which my bosses are opposed to, because they are dangerous (we can still have them, though, because the CEO is female and understands). The obvious solution? Set the temperature at about 72, year round, and get fans! Duh! But is that what happens? No, of course not, because heaven forbid they have to have a fan running when we have an air conditioning system. Our office power bill? About $1,000 a month, year round, and this is a one level office, 6000 sq.ft. My house is 1600 sq.ft., and our power bill is usually less than $100. A simple estimate puts the office power bill at $375. Even if we doubled that, it would save us $3000 per year.They want to cut costs (as always), but heaven forbid it start with the power bill.
2. Bosses who need checking up on. That's right, one of my bosses actually tells us to bug him about getting things done. Why? Because he has 'so much on his plate' he 'forgets'. Here's my question: why should it be my or anyone else's job who is not specifically an assistant to make sure the boss gets his work done?! We have our own work to do and projects to remember all the details on. No one is helping us. We make lists and put reminders on a calendar. If we forget to do something, we get our heads get bitten off. When he forgets to do something, he doesn't get in trouble, we do! He does not have an assistant, but he shouldn't need one. That's what Outlook calendars, PDAs, and to do lists are for! Everyone else has to make do (including the other boss, who does just fine).
3. Men who don't listen. Specifically, I'm talking about my husband, and I'm not talking about me saying something and him forgetting when I ask him about it a week later. He doesn't actually listen to what I say. I can be in the same room with him, looking at him, and speaking at a normal (or even loud) volume. I finish what I'm saying, and generally expect a response. Do you know what response I get? Myself, asking him if he heard me. To my and his knowledge, he doesn't have physical hearing problems. He hears me just fine if he wants to interrupt me (and when he does is about the only time I know he's listening). When I ask him if he heard me, most of the time he says "no, I'm sorry". Sometimes he mixes it up by saying "I'm sorry, no". Here's the kicker: when I don't say anything, he notices, and asks me what's wrong, or gets mad because I'm "just sitting there like a bump on a log". Then, when I say he never listens to what I say, he develops amnesia and denies it, and gets even madder because I dare suggest that he commits such an atrocity.
And finally:
4. Men making inappropriate statements around me. Two specifics here: my husband and my father-in-law. My husband is less annoying in this because he's my husband, and our level of familiarity is expected. So when he talks about things related to the toilet, or his digestive tract, or any number of other disgusting things, I understand a little. I still let him know that it's disgusting and he needs to remember that I'm a Lady (yes, in the old sense of the word;that's how I think of myself), and he needs to treat me as such, but I do understand a little.
For his father (who is much, much worse) there is no excuse. I am his daughter-in-law, not his friend, and he needs to remember that. He regularly asks me if I would like to bathe him, leans up against me, and talks about his doctor appointments, my husband and I sleeping together, his 'ding-a-ling' (no, I am not making that up) and generally acts like a lewd old man. Which, in my opinion, is what he is. Beyond the occasional lean and his 'jokes' (yes, he actually thinks it's funny to talk about those things), he has never actually done anything inappropriate toward me, and I don't think he would, but the thought has crossed my mind. No doubt he would take offense at that, but my opinion is that when you act the part questions are bound to be asked. Especially considering that he does speak about these things around his grandchildren. I grant that they are only 3 and 1, but that shouldn't matter. Especially with the three-year-old, they are getting old enough pick up on this kind of thing, and they don't need that. They are both female, and could easily learn that it's okay for other males to speak about it because "Pawpaw" does. That is not going to lead them into anything good. Does he care or even understand that? I doubt it, and it scares me, especially for my own children.
Those are my main complaints about men for now. I could go on, but you're probably already wondering if this post will ever end. Let me help you out: The End!
1. Office temperature. My (male) bosses seem to think that 61 is an appropriate office temperature all year round. In my and my frozen coworkers' opinions, it is never an appropriate office temperature. All year round I have to wear a coat to work because I will likely end with hypothermia if I don't. I know we don't really have a winter here, but during our approximation of that wonderful season, I have to wear gloves to work so my fingers don't turn into ice cubes and fall off while I attempt to work. I bought an electric kettle so I could have a hot drink any time without having to leave my office.
So my coworkers and I adapt. Some of them adapt with electric heaters. Which my bosses are opposed to, because they are dangerous (we can still have them, though, because the CEO is female and understands). The obvious solution? Set the temperature at about 72, year round, and get fans! Duh! But is that what happens? No, of course not, because heaven forbid they have to have a fan running when we have an air conditioning system. Our office power bill? About $1,000 a month, year round, and this is a one level office, 6000 sq.ft. My house is 1600 sq.ft., and our power bill is usually less than $100. A simple estimate puts the office power bill at $375. Even if we doubled that, it would save us $3000 per year.They want to cut costs (as always), but heaven forbid it start with the power bill.
2. Bosses who need checking up on. That's right, one of my bosses actually tells us to bug him about getting things done. Why? Because he has 'so much on his plate' he 'forgets'. Here's my question: why should it be my or anyone else's job who is not specifically an assistant to make sure the boss gets his work done?! We have our own work to do and projects to remember all the details on. No one is helping us. We make lists and put reminders on a calendar. If we forget to do something, we get our heads get bitten off. When he forgets to do something, he doesn't get in trouble, we do! He does not have an assistant, but he shouldn't need one. That's what Outlook calendars, PDAs, and to do lists are for! Everyone else has to make do (including the other boss, who does just fine).
3. Men who don't listen. Specifically, I'm talking about my husband, and I'm not talking about me saying something and him forgetting when I ask him about it a week later. He doesn't actually listen to what I say. I can be in the same room with him, looking at him, and speaking at a normal (or even loud) volume. I finish what I'm saying, and generally expect a response. Do you know what response I get? Myself, asking him if he heard me. To my and his knowledge, he doesn't have physical hearing problems. He hears me just fine if he wants to interrupt me (and when he does is about the only time I know he's listening). When I ask him if he heard me, most of the time he says "no, I'm sorry". Sometimes he mixes it up by saying "I'm sorry, no". Here's the kicker: when I don't say anything, he notices, and asks me what's wrong, or gets mad because I'm "just sitting there like a bump on a log". Then, when I say he never listens to what I say, he develops amnesia and denies it, and gets even madder because I dare suggest that he commits such an atrocity.
And finally:
4. Men making inappropriate statements around me. Two specifics here: my husband and my father-in-law. My husband is less annoying in this because he's my husband, and our level of familiarity is expected. So when he talks about things related to the toilet, or his digestive tract, or any number of other disgusting things, I understand a little. I still let him know that it's disgusting and he needs to remember that I'm a Lady (yes, in the old sense of the word;that's how I think of myself), and he needs to treat me as such, but I do understand a little.
For his father (who is much, much worse) there is no excuse. I am his daughter-in-law, not his friend, and he needs to remember that. He regularly asks me if I would like to bathe him, leans up against me, and talks about his doctor appointments, my husband and I sleeping together, his 'ding-a-ling' (no, I am not making that up) and generally acts like a lewd old man. Which, in my opinion, is what he is. Beyond the occasional lean and his 'jokes' (yes, he actually thinks it's funny to talk about those things), he has never actually done anything inappropriate toward me, and I don't think he would, but the thought has crossed my mind. No doubt he would take offense at that, but my opinion is that when you act the part questions are bound to be asked. Especially considering that he does speak about these things around his grandchildren. I grant that they are only 3 and 1, but that shouldn't matter. Especially with the three-year-old, they are getting old enough pick up on this kind of thing, and they don't need that. They are both female, and could easily learn that it's okay for other males to speak about it because "Pawpaw" does. That is not going to lead them into anything good. Does he care or even understand that? I doubt it, and it scares me, especially for my own children.
Those are my main complaints about men for now. I could go on, but you're probably already wondering if this post will ever end. Let me help you out: The End!
January 2, 2009
Resolutions
I usually make New Year's Resolutions, at least one or two. This year I have several:
1. Keep up with daily devotionals and pray the Rosary at least once per week
I'm already falling behind on this one, but I have to keep trying. The Holy Spirit has been nudging me toward this for awhile, and now I feel as though it's imperative. I pray every day, but I need to do devotionals to keep up with my Scripture reading. It falls by the wayside too often.
2. Finish weight loss once and for all (hopefully by the end of June).
3. Respect Michael more.
I don't often give Michael enough credit for the wonderful man he is, and I catch myself thinking of him as a boy yet to be properly raised. But he is a grown man, and I need to learn to treat him as such, and stop trying to train him. Everyone says you can't change someone, and I believed every word, but I'm coming to the realization that you can't expect your husband to want to change just because you want him to. Subconciously, that is what I expected. If he wanted me to change, I would want to change because I love him, and vice versa. We have both changed a little to suit each other and ourselves, but I have to accept that he won't always want to change a habit or behavior that annoys me, and nor will I for him.
4. Cross stitch, play the flute, read, and enjoy life more.
I think that'll do for now. Wish me luck!
1. Keep up with daily devotionals and pray the Rosary at least once per week
I'm already falling behind on this one, but I have to keep trying. The Holy Spirit has been nudging me toward this for awhile, and now I feel as though it's imperative. I pray every day, but I need to do devotionals to keep up with my Scripture reading. It falls by the wayside too often.
2. Finish weight loss once and for all (hopefully by the end of June).
3. Respect Michael more.
I don't often give Michael enough credit for the wonderful man he is, and I catch myself thinking of him as a boy yet to be properly raised. But he is a grown man, and I need to learn to treat him as such, and stop trying to train him. Everyone says you can't change someone, and I believed every word, but I'm coming to the realization that you can't expect your husband to want to change just because you want him to. Subconciously, that is what I expected. If he wanted me to change, I would want to change because I love him, and vice versa. We have both changed a little to suit each other and ourselves, but I have to accept that he won't always want to change a habit or behavior that annoys me, and nor will I for him.
4. Cross stitch, play the flute, read, and enjoy life more.
I think that'll do for now. Wish me luck!
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