NASCAR

Racing season is about to start again. Blech. This is a post I wrote last year at the start of the season, but I never hit the publish button. I've decided to bring you its brilliance now. :)

I have a confession: I live in the south and I hate watching cars go around and around in a circle. That's right: I think it's pointless to watch cars go around and around in a circle. I imagine you're already tired of the phrase 'watch cars go around and around in a circle.' Now you imagine how boring it is to be forced to watch cars go around and around in a circle.

He says he watches cars go around and around in a circle waiting for them to crash. He says it's only the crashes he really cares about. So why do we have to watch them go around and around in a circle before they crash? Why can't we just DVR the stupid race and fast forward and only watch the crashes? "Because we have to build excitement. You watch the cars go around and hear the announcers talking, you watch them race for position and develop their pit strategy. Then, suddenly, one announcer gets interrupted because there's a crash. There's 'the big one'." Yeah, sure, he only cares about the crashes.

I'm really glad NASCAR made the cars safer. Now they go around and around in a circle LONGER before they crash. Now the crashes aren't as big. Now, you might not even have 'the big one'. One day, we might even have a race with no crash at all. Will we watch that one? You betcha! We will have to figure out how all 43 cars avoided crashing for the entire race. How did they all go around and around in a circle without hitting each other?

I have the answer. All of the normal racers will have gotten sick from the food they all ate the night before. NASCAR wants to keep the fans happy and still have the race. Sponsers still want the money they spent to do them some good. So, someone comes up with an idea: substitute drivers. Who would be willing to race, though? Who loves these drivers so much that they would be willing to go around and around in a circle for HOURS for no good reason? Their wives/girlfriends/daughters. All of the male NASCAR people whisper, "Women? Can we do that? Will the fans be ok with that?" "We don't have a choice," they say to each other. "We'll have to use the women." *SIGH* "OK, we'll use the women."