Our Christmas was a fairly quiet one, spent mostly with Michael's family. We exchanged gifts, and as always, his parents went way overboard. It's nice though, in a way, because I know his mom really enjoys shopping for everyone and seeing us open everything. And she got me some more of the thick fuzzy socks I love so much. :)
I decided to write tonight because I think I am in labor. The very early stage, anyway. I'm pretty sure that if I am the later stages will not garner an "I think" so much as a "I'm in labor and if you bug me you'll regret it!"
If what I'm feeling are contractions, they are 10-20 minutes apart, lasting about 20-40 seconds. I would like to say I'm sure, but I'd hate to be wrong. I'll update as I can. Merry Christmas!
December 25, 2009
December 23, 2009
Come on Wesley!
At my appointment this morning I was 2 cm, and Wesley was in a posterior position. The midwife didn't say anything about effacement, but I assume it's advancing as well, since she said I probably won't need to go in on the 29th for the Foley catheter. Here's hoping I won't need the induction at all.
She stripped my membranes again, so that might move things along more too. It didn't hurt as much as last week, but she said she was pretty rough, so maybe it just hurts more when your cervix is less dilated. Or maybe it's just the difference between midwives.
Originally I was dreading being in the hospital on Christmas, but now I'm thinking I wouldn't mind so much. Being in the hospital (or even in labor and waiting to go to the hospital) would mean I wouldn't have to go to Michael's parents' or aunt's house and eat wierd food and pretend that this is my ideal Christmas. So, I wouldn't mind being in the hospital on Christmas...or anytime now, since I'd still be unable/unwilling to leave the house even if I wasn't in the hospital.
She stripped my membranes again, so that might move things along more too. It didn't hurt as much as last week, but she said she was pretty rough, so maybe it just hurts more when your cervix is less dilated. Or maybe it's just the difference between midwives.
Originally I was dreading being in the hospital on Christmas, but now I'm thinking I wouldn't mind so much. Being in the hospital (or even in labor and waiting to go to the hospital) would mean I wouldn't have to go to Michael's parents' or aunt's house and eat wierd food and pretend that this is my ideal Christmas. So, I wouldn't mind being in the hospital on Christmas...or anytime now, since I'd still be unable/unwilling to leave the house even if I wasn't in the hospital.
December 22, 2009
Vivid Dreams
I was right. With a little perspective, and time, and a little crying jag, yesterday morning actually wasn't so bad. Gotta love those hormones.
Can I also blame the hormones for the incredibly vivid dreams I've been having? At least once a week for the past few months, I've had dreams that seem so realistic. Maybe realistic isn't the right word, though, because it's certainly nothing that would ever happen in real life.
Last night I was back in high school and Mark, the guy I was completely in love with actually wanted to be with me (awesome!), but things were just a little off. For one thing, we slept together (as in really sleeping, nothing else), but I wouldn't have even done that, especially not in my house with my mom sleeping down the hall. Then when we woke up in the morning he wanted to tell Mom he slept there and that he wanted to marry me, and even though we didn't have sex I was very worried about getting pregnant...then I remembered that I already was and was relieved. Then I got mad at Mark for something and stole his care and drove to school. Somehow I managed to drive onto the median. Mark appeared and moved the car into a parking spot, but he did it with his hands. He literally picked the car up and put it down in the parking spot. Twilight, much? Well, yeah, turns out Mark was a vampire. I came to terms with that and then woke up.
The night before last Michael's mom was coming at me with a knife and yelling at me for not being Indian. I tried to remind her that she had another son to marry off to a proper Indian girl and she shouldn't worry about Michael because he didn't really want to bring his children up in the Indian culture anyway. Then she started chasing me and saying she was going to kill me, so I ran to our neighbor's house and he let me inside and called 911. I actually remember the conversation I had with the 911 operator, and feeling relief when I heard the sirens outside the house before she managed to break in.
Of course, I wasn't ever pregnant in high school, Mark was not a vampire, Michael and his family are not Indian, and I assume his mother doesn't actually want to kill me (thought I suspect she's not happy about me being Catholic and Michael converting, so that dream may have come from that).
And those were just the dreams from this week. I've had three of these really vivid dreams before, two of which used to be repetetive, but I haven't had them in a few years. So, three in my whole life, and now I'm having them at least once a week. I hope it stops after Wesley is born. I'm starting to be a little paranoid about how much I'm dreaming about Mark, though most of the time it's really Michael it just looks like Mark. It's still really wierd, and I hope it's the hormones.
Can I also blame the hormones for the incredibly vivid dreams I've been having? At least once a week for the past few months, I've had dreams that seem so realistic. Maybe realistic isn't the right word, though, because it's certainly nothing that would ever happen in real life.
Last night I was back in high school and Mark, the guy I was completely in love with actually wanted to be with me (awesome!), but things were just a little off. For one thing, we slept together (as in really sleeping, nothing else), but I wouldn't have even done that, especially not in my house with my mom sleeping down the hall. Then when we woke up in the morning he wanted to tell Mom he slept there and that he wanted to marry me, and even though we didn't have sex I was very worried about getting pregnant...then I remembered that I already was and was relieved. Then I got mad at Mark for something and stole his care and drove to school. Somehow I managed to drive onto the median. Mark appeared and moved the car into a parking spot, but he did it with his hands. He literally picked the car up and put it down in the parking spot. Twilight, much? Well, yeah, turns out Mark was a vampire. I came to terms with that and then woke up.
The night before last Michael's mom was coming at me with a knife and yelling at me for not being Indian. I tried to remind her that she had another son to marry off to a proper Indian girl and she shouldn't worry about Michael because he didn't really want to bring his children up in the Indian culture anyway. Then she started chasing me and saying she was going to kill me, so I ran to our neighbor's house and he let me inside and called 911. I actually remember the conversation I had with the 911 operator, and feeling relief when I heard the sirens outside the house before she managed to break in.
Of course, I wasn't ever pregnant in high school, Mark was not a vampire, Michael and his family are not Indian, and I assume his mother doesn't actually want to kill me (thought I suspect she's not happy about me being Catholic and Michael converting, so that dream may have come from that).
And those were just the dreams from this week. I've had three of these really vivid dreams before, two of which used to be repetetive, but I haven't had them in a few years. So, three in my whole life, and now I'm having them at least once a week. I hope it stops after Wesley is born. I'm starting to be a little paranoid about how much I'm dreaming about Mark, though most of the time it's really Michael it just looks like Mark. It's still really wierd, and I hope it's the hormones.
December 21, 2009
Crappy Morning
How's your morning going? If it's going well, you might not want to read this post. While I'm aware that nothing that happened this morning was actually horrible, it all added up to a horrible morning for me, possibly only because I'm pregnant and hormonal.
What happened between my last blog post and now? Well, the first thing was the interview being canceled until after Christmas, when I might not be able to make it because I will likely either be in the hospital or recovering from child birth.
Then, I had to go out to Michael's mom's house because he wanted me to put FRAGILE stickers on the camcorder we just sold on eBay for shipping. Well...on the box...but anyway, that meant I had to deal with his mother's inane conversation on her usual topics of my pregnancy and her 'schedule'. Yeah, she doesn't work. She doesn't have kids at home. She doesn't have a frickin schedule, and I'm really tired of hearing about how much stuff she has to do.
Then I went and shipped the stupid camcorder, and the shipping cost three times as much as Michael decided to charge the buyer. We sold a $600 camcorder for $135, and lost $16 on the shipping. All because he wouldn't listen to me about the shipping charges. I am really okay with selling the camcorder for whatever we could get for it (within reason, which I felt $135 for a three-year-old used camcorder was). But losing money on the shipping because he wouldn't listen to advice from his WIFE? Not reasonable. Not even close to reasonable.
THEN, I got home and found myself locked out of the house. I keep my keys in my purse. Michael used them last night to lock the door and didn't put them back. I thought they were in my purse, when in fact, they were on the dryer. So, who comes to my rescue? Not Michael, because he's at work and on his way out of town. Michael's mom! YAY! I get to see and have to converse with Michael's mom twice in the space of an hour because he insists that she have a key to the house.
And THEN?!?! Instead of getting out of her car and handing me the keys to MY OWN HOUSE, or better yet staying in the car and handing me the keys, she got out of the car, marched up to MY door, and proceeded to unlock MY house. Then, she opens the door really slowly, because she simply assumes that I'm irresponsible enough to have left Harley out and she doesn't want him to get out. Except that I'm not. And her son is the irresponsible one, because if he had put MY keys back where they belonged, I wouldn't have been locked out of the house.
God forbid, though, that she let go of 'her' keys for two seconds and show me the respect I deserve. But, obviously, in her eyes I'm still a child, just like she sees her son, no matter how much she pretends to respect me. And if we take 'her' keys from her for any reason, the last thing she says is always "Make sure you get those back to me!"
Because, apparently, she has a right to have keys to our house. NOT! But Michael doesn't want to argue it with her, and he wants her to feel useful, and he wants her to have them in case of emergencies. Like this one. Except that he caused the emergency, and I would rather have driven to get his keys from him even though he was about 30 minutes away.
And now? Michael just called and he wants me to call his father at work. I JUST WILL NOT! I hate this place, and I hate Michael's interfering family who won't just leave us alone!
*We apologize, this special post has been interrupted so the pregnant blogger can have a major temper tantrum. She likely will not return today.*
What happened between my last blog post and now? Well, the first thing was the interview being canceled until after Christmas, when I might not be able to make it because I will likely either be in the hospital or recovering from child birth.
Then, I had to go out to Michael's mom's house because he wanted me to put FRAGILE stickers on the camcorder we just sold on eBay for shipping. Well...on the box...but anyway, that meant I had to deal with his mother's inane conversation on her usual topics of my pregnancy and her 'schedule'. Yeah, she doesn't work. She doesn't have kids at home. She doesn't have a frickin schedule, and I'm really tired of hearing about how much stuff she has to do.
Then I went and shipped the stupid camcorder, and the shipping cost three times as much as Michael decided to charge the buyer. We sold a $600 camcorder for $135, and lost $16 on the shipping. All because he wouldn't listen to me about the shipping charges. I am really okay with selling the camcorder for whatever we could get for it (within reason, which I felt $135 for a three-year-old used camcorder was). But losing money on the shipping because he wouldn't listen to advice from his WIFE? Not reasonable. Not even close to reasonable.
THEN, I got home and found myself locked out of the house. I keep my keys in my purse. Michael used them last night to lock the door and didn't put them back. I thought they were in my purse, when in fact, they were on the dryer. So, who comes to my rescue? Not Michael, because he's at work and on his way out of town. Michael's mom! YAY! I get to see and have to converse with Michael's mom twice in the space of an hour because he insists that she have a key to the house.
And THEN?!?! Instead of getting out of her car and handing me the keys to MY OWN HOUSE, or better yet staying in the car and handing me the keys, she got out of the car, marched up to MY door, and proceeded to unlock MY house. Then, she opens the door really slowly, because she simply assumes that I'm irresponsible enough to have left Harley out and she doesn't want him to get out. Except that I'm not. And her son is the irresponsible one, because if he had put MY keys back where they belonged, I wouldn't have been locked out of the house.
God forbid, though, that she let go of 'her' keys for two seconds and show me the respect I deserve. But, obviously, in her eyes I'm still a child, just like she sees her son, no matter how much she pretends to respect me. And if we take 'her' keys from her for any reason, the last thing she says is always "Make sure you get those back to me!"
Because, apparently, she has a right to have keys to our house. NOT! But Michael doesn't want to argue it with her, and he wants her to feel useful, and he wants her to have them in case of emergencies. Like this one. Except that he caused the emergency, and I would rather have driven to get his keys from him even though he was about 30 minutes away.
And now? Michael just called and he wants me to call his father at work. I JUST WILL NOT! I hate this place, and I hate Michael's interfering family who won't just leave us alone!
*We apologize, this special post has been interrupted so the pregnant blogger can have a major temper tantrum. She likely will not return today.*
I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas Eve Eve Eve Eve
I woke up this morning to freezing temperatures and sparkly frost covering everything! This is the closest this area ever gets to a white Christmas, and it came four days early! So not cool. Especially since the weather on Christmas is supposed to be a high in the mid-60s and rainy.
But, since it's all I can get, I'll take it, mostly because I can stay inside, nice and cozy warm, while looking outside at the pretty sparkly field behind my house (at least until the sun comes up a little more).
I have had one white Christmas. I visited my dad in Atlanta one year, and it snowed 2 inches on Christmas Eve. Dad said it was because I was there and winter was showing off just for me. :) I had never actually been in snow before, and I was fascinated by the fact that it actually was in flakes. I even did a snow angel (which basically just cleared the snow and left a grass angel) and built a family of very tiny snowpeople. I will always cherish that Christmas with my dad.
On a very different note, I had a job interview today, but one of the interviewers had a death in the family, so the interviews are being postponed until after Christmas. Which is okay, I guess, except that I might be in the hospital when they want me to come in. And even if I'm not, I can't start working until February 1, at the earliest. I would prefer to not start working until March 1, but I'm going to have to take a job if I can get it, because I've come to terms with something recently.
I can't be a stay at home mom. I would love to be, but Michael just doesn't make enough money right now. It's true that he makes enough for us to live on, but it's not enough to get the things I want, namely a house. I simply can't raise more than one child in this house. I don't even want to think about having another child until we have another house, or at least begin building one. We can't do that until I have a job. Michael also needs a new truck. His is 14 years old. It still seems to run fine, it's true, but it's practically a senior citizen. I'm afraid that, eventually, its 'heart' will just give out. And, finally, since I have to work, I want Wesley to be in a good daycare. I don't want Michael's mom or aunt or family friend watching him. I have different reasons for each, but I'm just not comfortable with any of those options, and I'm not leaving my child with any of them.
So, I have to have a job, preferrably one that's above minimum wage, but I'll take what I can get.
But, since it's all I can get, I'll take it, mostly because I can stay inside, nice and cozy warm, while looking outside at the pretty sparkly field behind my house (at least until the sun comes up a little more).
I have had one white Christmas. I visited my dad in Atlanta one year, and it snowed 2 inches on Christmas Eve. Dad said it was because I was there and winter was showing off just for me. :) I had never actually been in snow before, and I was fascinated by the fact that it actually was in flakes. I even did a snow angel (which basically just cleared the snow and left a grass angel) and built a family of very tiny snowpeople. I will always cherish that Christmas with my dad.
On a very different note, I had a job interview today, but one of the interviewers had a death in the family, so the interviews are being postponed until after Christmas. Which is okay, I guess, except that I might be in the hospital when they want me to come in. And even if I'm not, I can't start working until February 1, at the earliest. I would prefer to not start working until March 1, but I'm going to have to take a job if I can get it, because I've come to terms with something recently.
I can't be a stay at home mom. I would love to be, but Michael just doesn't make enough money right now. It's true that he makes enough for us to live on, but it's not enough to get the things I want, namely a house. I simply can't raise more than one child in this house. I don't even want to think about having another child until we have another house, or at least begin building one. We can't do that until I have a job. Michael also needs a new truck. His is 14 years old. It still seems to run fine, it's true, but it's practically a senior citizen. I'm afraid that, eventually, its 'heart' will just give out. And, finally, since I have to work, I want Wesley to be in a good daycare. I don't want Michael's mom or aunt or family friend watching him. I have different reasons for each, but I'm just not comfortable with any of those options, and I'm not leaving my child with any of them.
So, I have to have a job, preferrably one that's above minimum wage, but I'll take what I can get.
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