June 12, 2008

Family Roles 2

Last night my husband announced to me that he's probably going to quit his brand-new job, which he said he was very happy with, and just work at his lawn care service full time. Everything is ok, and his traveling so much (which is what made him mad) was explained by his supervisor and he's keeping the job.
However, the whole incident (and subsequent fight with him in my mind while I actually kept silent and acted supportive) brought to my attention the fact that I had not really delved into the role of the husband in the traditional family I spoke about. So, we have today's post.

As I recall, I said: Men were meant to be the leaders of the family. Men were meant to make important decisions. Should men consider what their wives want? Of course! Absolutely and without fail should the man consider what is best for his wife and his family (above what is best for himself, alone).
Ok, so clearly, in the situation of my husband quitting his job, it is not my opinion that he was following this role. However, he's human, and he's not quitting the job, so I'll let that go. Aren't I magnanimous? :)

Anyway, I believe that men should always consider their families above their own wants and needs. Does this mean that men can never have a night out with the guys, or make what would seem to be a selfish decision? No! Niether does it mean that men should always give into what their wives want. We are human too, and will probably, eventually take advantage of that. What it does mean is that men and women have similar, complementary roles in a marriage. The secret is to find out what's best for the whole family. If hubby had a bad day at work, and needs to unwind, then you don't nag him about the dripping sink, the bug in the bathroom, or the dirty jacket he just took off and dropped on your lovely clean floor. If wife had a bad day at work, or she is a SAHM and the child(ren) were acting up all day, then hubby doesn't ask her why the dishes and laundry aren't done, or why said child(ren) are all sticky.
If hubby needs a night off, then he is allowed to go out with the guys, so long as the guys are not going to a strip club or Hooters (men in love don't want strippers, and I don't find this acceptable behavior for committed men). If wife needs a night off, then she is allowed the same priviledge with the same strictures.

I promise that it's really that simple! Look at me, I've been married 3 months!

Ok, I know I don't know everything about marriage, and I can't guaruntee that that's all it takes to make it work. However, that's my theory, and I'm testing it in my own marriage. We're good so far.

Look for future blogs on this as I come across/think of sticky situations and come up with more theories. Because, really, I have a lot of theories, and would love to record how they evolve over time and stand up to actual experience, especially since I suspect my theories will amuse several of my longer-married readers. :)

1 comment:

Stephanie said...

I've been married four years - some days it seems like forty - but rather than amusing, I find this theory a recipe for success, quite honestly. I don't think it always works this way, but of course, we don't live in a perfect world. It's a good goal, though, and obviously there has to be respectful give and take, understanding, and compassion for a marriage to work.
As for the nagging about the dirty jacket thing, my husband didn't do exactly that; instead he would take of his shoes and DIRTY SOCKS after coming home from hunting, rugby, or whatever other dirty boy thing he was doing, and leave them in my entry. He also used to leave the little plastic ring you take off the top of the milk carton on the counter top instead of walking it four inches to the garbage can. After he learned that his dirty disgusting socks were picked up with kitchen tongs and thrown out and the plastic rings magically found their way into his brief case, his behavior improved. But, you know, desperate times call for desperate measures...